Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

How many wife's does a catholic priest allowed to have?

Nun

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

Wait, I can explain everything!

Driveway Jokes More Driveway Jokes

Who is that walking up my driveway?

Anxiety in 3...2...1... knock, knock *sigh* "WAIT A SECOND!" *mumbles* "I need to find pants."

How do you know if a Korean gang robbed your house?

Because all the rice is gone, and three hours later, they are still trying to back out of your driveway.

Sound Jokes More Sound Jokes

What did the doctor say to the lizard who was complaining about problems performing in the bedroom?

It sounds like you have a reptile dysfunction.

What does it sound like when two churches fight?

Pew Pew PEWPEWPEW!!!

Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

How was I supposed to know they meant combined?

They really look like adults, especially the 20-years old

Where is Jennifer's husband?

Jennifer is 21 years older than her son Douglas. 6 years from now, Jennifer will be 5 times as old as Douglas. Question: Where is Jennifer's husband? Solution: J=D+21 J+6=5(D+6) According to my math, Douglas has 3/4 years, which means -9 months. Pregnancy lasts for nine months, so Jennifer's husband is in the bed with her right now. Sauce:

Grocery Jokes More Grocery Jokes

Why is Hannibal so rich?

Well, he save on groceries.

Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

Bacon Jokes More Bacon Jokes

What do you call a policeman on fire?

Bacon.

Who's there! Bacon! Bacon who?

Bacon a cake for your birthday!

Sale Jokes More Sale Jokes

Why was the Mercedes Benz on sales?

Because they've removed 6 rows of yellow LED strips...

How much for the best friend?

Manager: Sir, we've been through this, our cashiers aren't for sale.