April Sale - 20% Off

Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why can't we feed the animals?

Wife: They'll get lazy and dependent and never, ever go away. Me: *looks warily at our kids*

Why would my wife ask if I was wearing this shirt when it's already on?

Stop talking in secret code.

Driveway Jokes More Driveway Jokes

Why is there a broom in the driveway?

Me: So your mom doesn't have to borrow the car

Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

Sound Jokes More Sound Jokes

What is Sean Murray's favorite song?

The sound of silence

Why is Princess Peach named after a fruit and Princess Daisy named after a flower?

Because wanting to sound good is their OBJECTion

Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

What does it mean if holy water sizzles when it hits your skin?

I'm just asking for a friend)

What does it mean when the Post Office flag is flying at half-staff?

They are hiring.

Grocery Jokes More Grocery Jokes

Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

Where do people in Detroit get their groceries?

They don't.

Bacon Jokes More Bacon Jokes

What's green, slimy, and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's fingers.

What do you want for breakfast?

Kids: EGGS! BACON! WAFFLES! CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES! Me: Let me rephrase. Who wants toast

Sale Jokes More Sale Jokes

What did one stegosaurus say to the other stegosaurus?

There's a sale on at the fern store!

Why was the Mercedes Benz on sales?

Because they've removed 6 rows of yellow LED strips...