Bacon Jokes

Why did the pig go into the kitchen?

Because he felt like BACON!

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What is less Kosher than a bacon wrapped shrimp?

A communion wafer

What did the bacon say to the sandwich?

This club can't even handle me right now

Why is it impossible to say no to French fries with cheese and bacon?

Because it's a loaded question!

What's long, green, and smells like bacon?

Kermit's finger

What's green and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's fingers.

What did one sunbathing pig say to another?

I'm bacon.

What is green and smells like bacon?

Kermit's fingers

Why did the butcher get fired?

For bringing home the bacon.

How do you stop your bacon from curling in the pan?

Take their little stones and brooms away!

What do you call bacon wrapped frog legs?

The Muppets

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What's green, slimy, and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's fingers.

What's green, slimy and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frogs finger (shoutout to Hesher)

What do Kermit the Frog'S fingers smell like?

Bacon.

What is long, green, and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's fingers.

What did the Bacon say to the Tomato?

What did Bacon say to Tomato? "Lettuce get together"

What is green and slimy and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's finger...

What did the pig say on a hot summer day?

I'm bacon!

Why did the pig walk into the kitchen?

Because he felt like bacon.

How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?

You take away its tiny brooms.

Why did the bacon laugh?

Because the egg cracked a yolk.

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Whats green, three inches long and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frogs middle finger.

What was the pig doing in the kitchen?

Bacon! Get it?

What's long, green and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's finger.

What is Green, Slimy, and smells like Bacon?

Kermit's finger.

How many narwhals does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Bacon

What is small furry and smells like bacon?

A hamster!

What do you call a policeman on fire?

Bacon.

How do you stop bacon from curling in the pan?

Take away their little brooms!

What sound do dogs make?

3-year-old: Woof woof. Me: Horses 3: Neigh. Me: Pigs 3: Sizzle sizzle. Somebody understands bacon.

What kind of tree smells like bacon?

Original) A Porcupine!

What will you have, Sir?

Bacon my day, sonny!" Sorry/notsorry - it's how my mind works

Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

Who's there! Bacon! Bacon who?

Bacon a cake for your birthday!

What do you get when you cross a pig and a spider?

Bacon and scrambled leggs.

What would happen if pigs could fly?

Bacon would go up!

What's slimy, green, and smells like bacon?

Kermits finger.

Why did the pig go in the kitchen?

To start some bacon

What did Bacon say to Tomato?

Lettuce get together!

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How do you stop your bacon from curling in the pan?

Take their little stones and brooms away!

What happens next?

The broom gets sweepy.

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What's green, slimey and smells like pork?

Kermit's finger.

What's green, slimy and smells like pork?

Kermit's finger

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What is the difference between a Mother and Wife?

One woman brings you into this world crying and the other ensures you continue to do so.

Why did everyone bring a quiche to Sean Connery's party?

It was leave your keys at the door.

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Why would he put that on a resume?

Oh. My. God. You're hired.

What did God say to Mary after impregnating her?

Praise the Load

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How do hair stylists get in shape?

Curling Iron.

How do you stop bacon from curling in the pan?

Take away their little brooms!

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What did Darth Vader say to Luke on his birthday?

I know what you're going to get, I felt your presents.

What did one candle say to the other?

Don't birthdays burn you up

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What did the pig say when his wife left him?

Don't go bacon my heart

What did Jay-Z call his wife-to-be?

Feyonce.

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

Why was the CEO of Pepsi fired?

They caught him with an ounce of coke in his system.

Why did the blond get fired from the boomerang factory?

She threw away all the bent ones. Why did she get re-hired They all came back.