Bacon Jokes

Why did the pig go into the kitchen?

Because he felt like BACON!

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What is less Kosher than a bacon wrapped shrimp?

A communion wafer

What did the bacon say to the sandwich?

This club can't even handle me right now

How do Jamaicans pronounce bacon?

The same way British people pronounce beer can.

Why is it impossible to say no to French fries with cheese and bacon?

Because it's a loaded question!

What's long, green, and smells like bacon?

Kermit's finger

What's green and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's fingers.

What did one sunbathing pig say to another?

I'm bacon.

What is green and smells like bacon?

Kermit's fingers

Why did the butcher get fired?

For bringing home the bacon.

How do you stop your bacon from curling in the pan?

Take their little stones and brooms away!

$Your Age Is Only Math$

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What do you call bacon wrapped frog legs?

The Muppets

What's green, slimy, and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's fingers.

What's green, slimy and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frogs finger (shoutout to Hesher)

Why doesn't god like bacon?

Because he isn't real.

What do Kermit the Frog'S fingers smell like?

Bacon.

What is long, green, and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's fingers.

What did the Bacon say to the Tomato?

What did Bacon say to Tomato? "Lettuce get together"

What is green and slimy and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's finger...

What did the pig say on a hot summer day?

I'm bacon!

Why did the pig walk into the kitchen?

Because he felt like bacon.

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How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?

You take away its tiny brooms.

Why did the bacon laugh?

Because the egg cracked a yolk.

Whats green, three inches long and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frogs middle finger.

What was the pig doing in the kitchen?

Bacon! Get it?

What's long, green and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's finger.

What is Green, Slimy, and smells like Bacon?

Kermit's finger.

How many narwhals does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Bacon

What is small furry and smells like bacon?

A hamster!

What do you call a policeman on fire?

Bacon.

How do you stop bacon from curling in the pan?

Take away their little brooms!

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What sound do dogs make?

3-year-old: Woof woof. Me: Horses 3: Neigh. Me: Pigs 3: Sizzle sizzle. Somebody understands bacon.

What kind of tree smells like bacon?

Original) A Porcupine!

What will you have, Sir?

Bacon my day, sonny!" Sorry/notsorry - it's how my mind works

Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

Who's there! Bacon! Bacon who?

Bacon a cake for your birthday!

What do you get when you cross a pig and a spider?

Bacon and scrambled leggs.

What would happen if pigs could fly?

Bacon would go up!

What's slimy, green, and smells like bacon?

Kermits finger.

Why did the pig go in the kitchen?

To start some bacon

What do you want for breakfast?

Kids: EGGS! BACON! WAFFLES! CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES! Me: Let me rephrase. Who wants toast

What did Bacon say to Tomato?

Lettuce get together!

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Kosher Jokes More Kosher Jokes

What do you call Kosher ice?

Iceberg

What is less Kosher than a bacon wrapped shrimp?

A communion wafer

Club Jokes More Club Jokes

What happened when the Eskimo teens went clubbing?

They got new fur coats.

Why did a seal go to the bar?

Because he didn't want to go clubbing.

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

Why can't zombies play the blues?

Just feels like they don't put their soul in to it.

What do you call a rapper who's feeling bitter?

NaClmore

British People Jokes More British People Jokes

Why can't British people go to North Korea?

Nobody at the ticket counter knows what "north career" means

What if weight loss supplements ads are just made by British people really transparently trying to scam you?

You'll lost 30 for only $42.82! Guaranteed.

Curl Jokes More Curl Jokes

What's my type?

Someone who is supportive. Someone who is warm. Someone I can just curl up and relax with. Wait I'm describing my bed again.

How do you stop bacon from curling in the pan?

Take away their little brooms!

Sunbathe Jokes More Sunbathe Jokes

What did the sunbathing mother say to Michael Jackson as he walked by on the beach?

Would you please move You're in my sun.

What did one sunbathing pig say to another?

I'm bacon.

French Fry Jokes More French Fry Jokes

What do French fries and friends have in common?

They both die if you chop them

Where were the first French fries made?

In grease

Pan Jokes More Pan Jokes

How do you stop bacon from curling in the pan?

Take away their little brooms!

What does a black and white bear use to cook it's dinner?

A pan, duh!