Bacon Jokes

Why did the pig go into the kitchen?

Because he felt like BACON!

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What is less Kosher than a bacon wrapped shrimp?

A communion wafer

What did the bacon say to the sandwich?

This club can't even handle me right now

Why is it impossible to say no to French fries with cheese and bacon?

Because it's a loaded question!

What's long, green, and smells like bacon?

Kermit's finger

What's green and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's fingers.

What did one sunbathing pig say to another?

I'm bacon.

What is green and smells like bacon?

Kermit's fingers

Why did the butcher get fired?

For bringing home the bacon.

How do you stop your bacon from curling in the pan?

Take their little stones and brooms away!

What do you call bacon wrapped frog legs?

The Muppets

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What's green, slimy, and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's fingers.

What's green, slimy and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frogs finger (shoutout to Hesher)

What do Kermit the Frog'S fingers smell like?

Bacon.

What is long, green, and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's fingers.

What did the Bacon say to the Tomato?

What did Bacon say to Tomato? "Lettuce get together"

What is green and slimy and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's finger...

What did the pig say on a hot summer day?

I'm bacon!

Why did the pig walk into the kitchen?

Because he felt like bacon.

How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?

You take away its tiny brooms.

Why did the bacon laugh?

Because the egg cracked a yolk.

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Whats green, three inches long and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frogs middle finger.

What was the pig doing in the kitchen?

Bacon! Get it?

What's long, green and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's finger.

What is Green, Slimy, and smells like Bacon?

Kermit's finger.

How many narwhals does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Bacon

What is small furry and smells like bacon?

A hamster!

What do you call a policeman on fire?

Bacon.

How do you stop bacon from curling in the pan?

Take away their little brooms!

What sound do dogs make?

3-year-old: Woof woof. Me: Horses 3: Neigh. Me: Pigs 3: Sizzle sizzle. Somebody understands bacon.

What kind of tree smells like bacon?

Original) A Porcupine!

What will you have, Sir?

Bacon my day, sonny!" Sorry/notsorry - it's how my mind works

Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

Who's there! Bacon! Bacon who?

Bacon a cake for your birthday!

What do you get when you cross a pig and a spider?

Bacon and scrambled leggs.

What would happen if pigs could fly?

Bacon would go up!

What's slimy, green, and smells like bacon?

Kermits finger.

Why did the pig go in the kitchen?

To start some bacon

What did Bacon say to Tomato?

Lettuce get together!

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Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

Why the sad face?

Asks the bartender. "I got fired."

What has two O's and fires?

A double-vowel shotgun.

Curl Jokes More Curl Jokes

Which sport is more lame: frisbee, or curling?

Discus

What do you call a foot doctor, curled up in a ball on the floor?

A pedal physician in the fetal position.

Lettuce Jokes More Lettuce Jokes

What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

What do you call an epileptic covered in lettuce?

A seizure salad.

Cheese Jokes More Cheese Jokes

What did God say to the cheese that sinned?

Gouda Hell.

What type of cheese is not yours?

Nacho cheese!!!

Broom Jokes More Broom Jokes

What does a witch get if she's a poor traveler?

Broom sick.

Why is there a broom in the driveway?

Me: So your mom doesn't have to borrow the car

Frog Leg Jokes More Frog Leg Jokes

What do you call bacon wrapped frog legs?

The Muppets

What do you call an and with frogs legs?

An antphibian!

Sandwich Jokes More Sandwich Jokes

What they say: Want a bite of my sandwich?

What I hear: How much of this sandwich can you fit in your mouth

How many walruses does it take to make a sandwich?

Don't be silly, walruses don't make sandwiches; women make sandwiches. Made this up to bug my sister. It worked. Her husband laughed.

Shrimp Jokes More Shrimp Jokes

Why don't shrimp donate to charities?

Because they're shellfish.

Why did the shrimp cross the road?

To get to the other tide.