Birthday Jokes

What does an aging Mafia boss do for his birthday?

Forget about it.

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How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for his birthday?

He felt his presents.

What do you say to Aziz Ansari when you forget his birthday?

Aziz, I'm sorry.

How did the Norse god of mischief celebrate his birthday?

With a low-key event

What do you call cute seeds?

Awwwwwwwwwwwwmonds P.S. it's my birthday please love me

What did the fire say the morning of his birthday?

I'm stoked!

What did the geologist say when he got a rock for his birthday?

I appreciate the sediment.

Why couldn't Sally use the swings?

She had no arms Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally. What did Sally get for her Birthday? We don't know, she didn't open it yet.

What did the Pirate say on his birthday?

Ayy Matey

How did Luke Skywalker know what Darth Vader got him for his Birthday?

He felt his presents.

What do you always get on your birthday?

Another year older!birt

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What did the teenage crow want for his birthday?

A-CAW!

What did Darth Vader say to Luke on his birthday?

I know what you're going to get, I felt your presents.

What did the burglar give his wife for her birthday?

A stole.

What's the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary?

Get married on his birthday.

Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in December?

The specific ocean.

What did you get for your birthday?

Another year!

How do you know when you're turning 40?

When your candy jar is filled with Tums..... My wife just came up with that one... Birthday is next week.. Ugh

Why does Tom Hiddleston only invite his closest friends/family to his birthday?

He likes to keep things low key.

What did one candle say to the other?

Don't birthdays burn you up

What do you want for your birthday?

Me: You could get me a "world's best dad" mug. 4: You told me not to lie.

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What did the janitor get for his birthday?

A urinal cake.

What does a clam do on his birthday?

He shellabrates!

How does Google celebrate its birthday?

With a search party.

What song should you sing to a wildebeest on his birthday?

Happy Birthday To Gnu!

What did you like best about your last job?

Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake.

What did the dad say when his daughter gave him gravel for his birthday?

Thanks for sediments

Who's there! Alligator! Alligator who?

Alligator for her birthday was a card!

What does a snowman say to his son on his birthday?

Happy Brr-day son!

Why are birthdays good for you?

Statistics show: those who have the most, live the longest.

Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?

Because people kept toasting him!

Who's there! Bacon! Bacon who?

Bacon a cake for your birthday!

What is one thing you always get on your birthday?

Older

When's your birthday?

Me: (Drunk) um ok thats easy... ten dash four PO: What year Me: Ugh duh every year

What is your favourite type of birthday present?

Another present!

What did Patrick Stewart say when he was given a tortoise for his birthday?

Please, take it back. I don't like getting attached to animals. Especially when they only live 100 years.

Where do you find a birthday present for a cat?

In a cat-alogue!

Why does the monster act wild and crazy on his birthday?

He's trying to age disgracefully!

Why didn't you give me anything for my birthday?

GirlFriend: You told me to surprise you.

How did the programmer celebrate his birthday?

Var celebration = "Hip", "Hip";

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Moo Jokes More Moo Jokes

What do cows wear when they're vacationing in Hawaii?

Moo moos

What did the cow say to the masked robber?

Moo.

Mafia Jokes More Mafia Jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road, roll around in mud, and cross again after being caught by the mafia?

Because he was a dirty double crosser.

What do you call the person that cleans the Mafia's hotel rooms?

A maid man.

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

Why didn't the scientist tell his colleague the t-value of a test with 21 degrees of freedom and a p-value of 5%?

It was a t-crit! Thank you and goodnight!

What did E.T.'s mother say when E.T. got home?

Where on Earth have you been?!

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

Why couldn't they find the cheesemaker after the accident?

He was trapped under da-Brie!

What do you call a web developer who enjoys finding bugs in the system?

A spider

Birthday Candle Jokes More Birthday Candle Jokes

What's the difference between a dim monster and a birthday candle?

The candle is a thousand times brighter!

What do you get when you put birthday candles on a pizza?

You can't figure it out I mean, it's a pizz'a cake.

80th Jokes More 80th Jokes

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Aye Matey!

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Aye Matey

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

Why did the Russian man keep making excuses?

He was just stalin for time

Why did the kid throw the watch out the window?

So time would fly.

Friend Birthday Party Jokes More Friend Birthday Party Jokes

What do cows sing at their friends birthday parties?

Happy Birthday to MOO Happy Birthday to Moo

What does an accountant call a friend's birthday party?

X-post from /r/tax) A present liability!