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What did one candle say to the other?

Don't birthdays burn you up

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Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

What do the LAPD and computers have in common?

They can both burn C.D's

How my girlfriend stay's thin. Wanna know how my girlfriend stays thin?

She burns most of her calories jumping to conclusions.

Candle Jokes More Candle Jokes

What is the most-ignored rule in a convent?

Lights out at nine, candles out at ten.

Why did the peace-loving incandescent bulb reject the candle and choose the fluorescent lamp as role model?

The fluorescent lamp wouldn't hurt a fly.

Birthday Jokes More Birthday Jokes

What did Patrick Stewart say when he was given a tortoise for his birthday?

Please, take it back. I don't like getting attached to animals. Especially when they only live 100 years.

What do you give a nine-hundred-pound gorilla for his birthday?

I don't know but you'd better hope he likes it!