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Candle Jokes

What did the candle say to the flame?

You're getting on my wick.

Love

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Love

What did the Russian people light their houses with before they started using candles?

Electricity.

What did Russians used to light their houses with before candles?

Electricity.

What is the most-ignored rule in a convent?

Lights out at nine, candles out at ten.

What do you call a candelabra that refuses to hold candles?

A candle-nah-brah

What did socialists use before candles?

Electricity

Why couldn't the candle get any sleep?

Because there's no rest for the wicked.

Why was the candle mad at his friend?

He blew him off.

What did the candle say when it couldn't sleep due to his own candlelight?

There ain't no rest for the wicked

What did one candle say to the other candle?

Are you going out tonight

When can you operate?

Lighting a candle* Doctor: When we find you a new liver.

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Couple's Daily Question Mug

What does a basketball player do before he blows out his candles?

He makes a swish!

What did the Syrians use to light their homes before candles?

A. Electricity.

What did the candle say when he was down on his luck?

I'm at wick's end.

What did soviet russians use for lighting before they started using candles?

Electricity.

Why did the peace-loving incandescent bulb reject the candle and choose the fluorescent lamp as role model?

The fluorescent lamp wouldn't hurt a fly.

What did one candle say to the other?

Don't birthdays burn you up

Who thought blowing out candles on a cake was a good tradition?

Ah yes wax would go well with this cake and you know what else Child spit.

What did the socialist use before candles?

Electricity.

What's the difference between a dim monster and a birthday candle?

The candle is a thousand times brighter!

How long does it take to burn a candle down?

About a wick!

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I Love Pizza & You

How do you make a candle really happy...?

Blow it out, it'll be delighted

What's the Primary Directive in a nunnery (convent)?

Lights out at nine, candles out at ten...

Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?

Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!

What did Russians use for light before candles?

Light bulbs

Why did the boy put candles on the toilet?

He wanted to have a birthday potty!

What do eskimos do when it gets cold?

They go into their igloos and sit around a candle. What do they do when it gets even colder They turn on the candle.

What did the man say when he sat on a candle?

Fire in the hole!

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Russian Jokes More Russian Jokes

Why are people leaving the Ukraine?

I don't know but they sure are Russian.

Where does a 19th century Russian imperialist get his coffee?

Tsarbucks.

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"?

It's "popcorn"! What were you thinking?!

When do spare parts from Japanese cars start falling out of the sky?

When it's raining Datsun cogs.

Russian People Jokes More Russian People Jokes

What did the Russian people light their houses with before they started using candles?

Electricity.

Who was saved?

The Russian people

Baritone Jokes More Baritone Jokes

Why did the bear start playing music when the priest tried to absolve him of his sins?

Because the priest said "Bear, atone" and the bear thought he said "baritone" as in "play the baritone sax now". The bear immediately started wailing away on the sax, rocking back and forth so hard he knocked over all the prayer candles and almost snapped his own spine. All the priest could do was ask the lord for the strength needed to get this bear into heaven.

How does a baritone make phone calls?

Song distance!

Heaven Jokes More Heaven Jokes

Why should I let you into heaven?

Me: Once a coworker said "supposably" 7 times in a meeting & I just let her StP: Get in here

Why is heaven a paradise for the common man?

Because all the politicians are in hell.

Light Jokes More Light Jokes

What happens when the Sun and the Moon get together?

They turn out the lights.

Why so?

The light bulb replies, "I'm a light headed!"

Sax Jokes More Sax Jokes

Why did the bear start playing music when the priest tried to absolve him of his sins?

Because the priest said "Bear, atone" and the bear thought he said "baritone" as in "play the baritone sax now". The bear immediately started wailing away on the sax, rocking back and forth so hard he knocked over all the prayer candles and almost snapped his own spine. All the priest could do was ask the lord for the strength needed to get this bear into heaven.

What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax?

You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neighbors don't mind if you don't return the sax when you borrow it.

Igloo Jokes More Igloo Jokes

How does a penguin build it’s house?

Igloos it together.

What do eskimos do when it gets cold?

They go into their igloos and sit around a candle. What do they do when it gets even colder They turn on the candle.