Candle Jokes

What did the candle say to the flame?

You're getting on my wick.

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What did the Russian people light their houses with before they started using candles?

Electricity.

What did Russians used to light their houses with before candles?

Electricity.

What is the most-ignored rule in a convent?

Lights out at nine, candles out at ten.

What do you call a candelabra that refuses to hold candles?

A candle-nah-brah

What did socialists use before candles?

Electricity

Why couldn't the candle get any sleep?

Because there's no rest for the wicked.

Why was the candle mad at his friend?

He blew him off.

What did the candle say when it couldn't sleep due to his own candlelight?

There ain't no rest for the wicked

What did one candle say to the other candle?

Are you going out tonight

When can you operate?

Lighting a candle* Doctor: When we find you a new liver.

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What does a basketball player do before he blows out his candles?

He makes a swish!

What did the Syrians use to light their homes before candles?

A. Electricity.

What did the candle say when he was down on his luck?

I'm at wick's end.

What did soviet russians use for lighting before they started using candles?

Electricity.

Why did the peace-loving incandescent bulb reject the candle and choose the fluorescent lamp as role model?

The fluorescent lamp wouldn't hurt a fly.

What did one candle say to the other?

Don't birthdays burn you up

Who thought blowing out candles on a cake was a good tradition?

Ah yes wax would go well with this cake and you know what else Child spit.

What did the socialist use before candles?

Electricity.

What's the difference between a dim monster and a birthday candle?

The candle is a thousand times brighter!

How long does it take to burn a candle down?

About a wick!

How do you make a candle really happy...?

Blow it out, it'll be delighted

What's the Primary Directive in a nunnery (convent)?

Lights out at nine, candles out at ten...

Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?

Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!

What did Russians use for light before candles?

Light bulbs

Why did the boy put candles on the toilet?

He wanted to have a birthday potty!

What do eskimos do when it gets cold?

They go into their igloos and sit around a candle. What do they do when it gets even colder They turn on the candle.

What did the man say when he sat on a candle?

Fire in the hole!

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Man Jokes More Man Jokes

What is strong enough for a man but made for a woman?

The back of my hand...

Why wasn't the man considered attractive?

The laws of gravity didn't apply to him.

Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

What does a flame smell like?

Burnt nose hair.

What's burnt to a crisp and at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

Wick Jokes More Wick Jokes

How long does it take to burn a candle down?

About a wick!

What did the wick say to the wax?

I candel you.

Priest Jokes More Priest Jokes

What do a priest and an Olympic silver medalist have in common?

They both came in a little behind.

What did the priest say when watering his garden?

Let us spray.

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

Why does the Olympic torch always start in Olympia?

Because it's hard to put out a Greece fire.

What happened to the plan of starting a book club?

It got shelved.

Snap Jokes More Snap Jokes

What happens when you provoke an angry redhead?

Ginger snaps.

What did the rubber band factory worker say when he was fired?

Oh snap!

Light Jokes More Light Jokes

Where do naughty rays of light go?

Prism (Note: I made this joke up. Sorry if this little note refracts from the humour.)

How many Bros does it take to change a lightbulb?

None cuz it's already lit af

Birthday Candle Jokes More Birthday Candle Jokes

Where does a snowman put his birthday candles?

On his birthday flake!

What's the difference between a dim monster and a birthday candle?

The candle is a thousand times brighter!