Where do you find a birthday present for a cat?

In a cat-alogue!

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How do you find a dirty cop?

Call 911, it doesn't matter who answers

How do you find your dog if he's lost in the woods?

Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark!

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What do cats and people that submit jokes with the punchline "PLAGIARISM" have in common?

THEY BOTH LICK THEIR PAWS!

What did Dr. Seuss call the book he wrote about Star Wars?

The Cat in the AT-AT

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Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in December?

The specific ocean.

What did the Nuclear Engineer get for his birthday?

Yellow Cake

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Why don't cats like online shopping?

They prefer a cat-alogue.

How do cats buy things?

From a cat-alogue!