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Where do you find a birthday present for a cat?

In a cat-alogue!

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How do you find a girl with no legs?

Follow the slime trail.

How are children like cellphones?

If youve lost one and havent found it in a couple days, chances are its probably dead.

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Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas?

Because they both have "Sandy claws"!

What did the cat say when he lost all his money?

I'm paw!

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Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in December?

The specific ocean.

What did Darth Vader say to Luke on his birthday?

I know what you're going to get, I felt your presents

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Why don't cats like online shopping?

They prefer a cat-alogue.

How do cats buy things?

From a cat-alogue!