Bump Jokes

What does a barcode say if he bumps into another barcode?

SKU me

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What did the tectonic plate say when it bumped into another?

Sorry, my fault.

Why did the giraffe cross the highway?

Because he bumped his head on the low-way! I guess we're doing 4 year old's jokes today

What did the fish say when it bumped its head?

Dam.

What sounds like a robot and bumps into tables?

Stephen Hawking.

What happens when two oxen bump into each other?

You have an oxident.

Why do they call them "country bumpkins"?

Because in the country, you bump your kin!

What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him?

I didn't do it on porpoise.

What's the difference between falling 2 ft and 200 ft?

200 ft: Aaaaaaaaa, bump 2 ft: Bump, aaaaaaaaa (Yes, it's an old, really old joke. Surprisingly haven't seen it here, yet.)

Why did the dog have a gleam in his eye?

Someone bumped his elbow while he was brushing his teeth.

What was the Italian hot tub that was so small it's occupants always bumped into each other called?

Ja-scusi.

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What did the turkey say when he accidentally bumped into the president?

Pardon me.

What did the tectonic plate say to the other tectonic plate when he bumped into the him?

Sorry, my fault.

Why was the school principal not pleased when he bumped into an old friend?

They were both driving their cars at the time!

Why does Hillary keep bumping into people at the White House?

So she can be pardoned.

What did Hillary say when she bumped into Donald after the election?

Pardon me

What did the man say when he accidentally bumped into the astronaut?

I Apollo-gize

How do Polish dogs get bumps on their heads?

Chasing parked cars.

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Dam Jokes More Dam Jokes

What does a fish say when he hits concrete?

Dam! A customer told me that joke, equipped with an " old guys rule" shirt and a hardy fist bump.

What does a fish say when it hits a brick wall?

DAM!!!

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Gary Glitter?

10 "number 1's" and a not guilty verdict

What's the difference between Mike Jones and Michael Jordan?

Mike Jones is Still Tippin'.

English Jokes More English Jokes

What's the different between E.T. and a refugee?

E.T. learned English and wanted to go home

What did you make of the new English teacher?

Burgers ma'am.

Customer Jokes More Customer Jokes

What did the grocery store owner say to the customer that asked him if he sold tires?

He shrugged and said, "I've got asparagus."

Who drives away all his customers?

A taxi driver.

Old Guy Jokes More Old Guy Jokes

What does a fish say when he hits concrete?

Dam! A customer told me that joke, equipped with an " old guys rule" shirt and a hardy fist bump.

What do you call an empty cheese whiz jar?

Cheese Was! some old guy came up to me on the street and told me this one.

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

Where are most fish found?

Between the head and the tail!

What's one profession that doctors, lawyers, even the king of Saudi Arabia and the presidents of the USSR and US bow their heads to?

Barbers.

Barcode Jokes More Barcode Jokes

What does a barcode say if he bumps into another barcode?

SKU me

Why did Sweden start painting barcodes on the sides of their battleships?

So they could Scandinavian.

Bus Driver Jokes More Bus Driver Jokes

What do you call a bus driver who helps old people and parents with children on and off the bus?

A stand up driver.

What's the difference between a bus driver and a cold?

A bus driver knows the stops and a cold stops the nose.