Bump Jokes

What does a barcode say if he bumps into another barcode?

SKU me

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What did the tectonic plate say when it bumped into another?

Sorry, my fault.

Why did the giraffe cross the highway?

Because he bumped his head on the low-way! I guess we're doing 4 year old's jokes today

What did the fish say when it bumped its head?

Dam.

What sounds like a robot and bumps into tables?

Stephen Hawking.

What happens when two oxen bump into each other?

You have an oxident.

Why do they call them "country bumpkins"?

Because in the country, you bump your kin!

What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him?

I didn't do it on porpoise.

What's the difference between falling 2 ft and 200 ft?

200 ft: Aaaaaaaaa, bump 2 ft: Bump, aaaaaaaaa (Yes, it's an old, really old joke. Surprisingly haven't seen it here, yet.)

Why did the dog have a gleam in his eye?

Someone bumped his elbow while he was brushing his teeth.

What was the Italian hot tub that was so small it's occupants always bumped into each other called?

Ja-scusi.

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What did the turkey say when he accidentally bumped into the president?

Pardon me.

What did the tectonic plate say to the other tectonic plate when he bumped into the him?

Sorry, my fault.

Why was the school principal not pleased when he bumped into an old friend?

They were both driving their cars at the time!

Why does Hillary keep bumping into people at the White House?

So she can be pardoned.

What did Hillary say when she bumped into Donald after the election?

Pardon me

What did the man say when he accidentally bumped into the astronaut?

I Apollo-gize

How do Polish dogs get bumps on their heads?

Chasing parked cars.

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English Jokes More English Jokes

Where do English prime-ministers take their kids on vacation?

Lourdes. Mother Theresa always goes there.

How are your English lessons coming along?

Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me.

4 Year Old Jokes More 4 Year Old Jokes

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a 4 year old?

Eric Clapton wouldn't drop a bag of cocaine out a window

How many beers did you have while I was gone?

Me: Two. 4-year-old: It was nine. Teaching her to count was a mistake.

Rule Jokes More Rule Jokes

What do you call a country ruled by dank memes?

Kappatalism

What cake wanted to rule the world?

Attila the Bun.

Knock Jokes More Knock Jokes

What did the biscuit say when it saw two friends knocked down?

Crumbs!

What did the nurse who knocked on the pregnant lady's door say?

Womb Service!

Coffee Jokes More Coffee Jokes

Who reads the news AND makes coffee?

Katie Keurig. (I know the setup might need some work but I just like the punchline I made up.)

Why do programmers drink coffee so much?

So they aren't lying when they say they like Java.

Giraffe Jokes More Giraffe Jokes

What do you do to an elephant with three balls?

Walk him, and pitch to the giraffe!

What do you do with a Rhinoceros with 3 balls?

You walk him and pitch to the giraffe.

Fork Jokes More Fork Jokes

Why did the blind man use chopsticks?

Because he couldn't see the point in forks.

What's your favorite movie?

DATE: Girl Interupt- ME: *drops fork* What is it DATE: Girl Interu- ME: *burps* Sorry. Go on. DATE: Fargo

Eye Jokes More Eye Jokes

Where's the cake?

Mom of kid: We don't believe in sugar. Me: I promise it's real. I've seen it with my own eyes.

What do you call a pig with three eyes?

Piiig