Bump Jokes

What does a barcode say if he bumps into another barcode?

SKU me

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What did the tectonic plate say when it bumped into another?

Sorry, my fault.

Why did the giraffe cross the highway?

Because he bumped his head on the low-way! I guess we're doing 4 year old's jokes today

What did the fish say when it bumped its head?

Dam.

What happens when two oxen bump into each other?

You have an oxident.

What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him?

I didn't do it on porpoise.

What's the difference between falling 2 ft and 200 ft?

200 ft: Aaaaaaaaa, bump 2 ft: Bump, aaaaaaaaa (Yes, it's an old, really old joke. Surprisingly haven't seen it here, yet.)

Why did the dog have a gleam in his eye?

Someone bumped his elbow while he was brushing his teeth.

What was the Italian hot tub that was so small it's occupants always bumped into each other called?

Ja-scusi.

What did the turkey say when he accidentally bumped into the president?

Pardon me.

What did the tectonic plate say to the other tectonic plate when he bumped into the him?

Sorry, my fault.

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Why was the school principal not pleased when he bumped into an old friend?

They were both driving their cars at the time!

Why does Hillary keep bumping into people at the White House?

So she can be pardoned.

What did Hillary say when she bumped into Donald after the election?

Pardon me

What did the man say when he accidentally bumped into the astronaut?

I Apollo-gize

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Speed Jokes More Speed Jokes

What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?

Officer, "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."

What happened to Frankenstein's monster on the road?

He was stopped for speeding fined $50 and dismantled for six months.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

Why didn't you tell me you have a small guitar?

Boy:Because you didn't tell me I would be performing in a hall

What does Brock say?

Ash told me you were in here and I should take a Pikachu. I'm sorry...

Knock Jokes More Knock Jokes

Why Can't America tell knock knock jokes?

Cause' freedom RINGS!

What don't homeless people get?

Knock knock jokes

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What can I get you today?

Harambe: May I get a martini Me: Just ice for Harambe. Harambe: Just ice Me: Justice for Harambe.

What's today's date?

Germany/Brazil/2016

Bus Driver Jokes More Bus Driver Jokes

What's the difference between a bus driver and a cold?

A bus driver knows the stops and a cold stops the nose.

What do you call an Arab man who drives a bus?

A bus driver.

Guess Jokes More Guess Jokes

What do you call it when you second guess your decision to book a stay at a Native American resort?

A reservation reservation reservation. Credit to Brian Regan, this is my favorite joke of his!

What did the colours red and violet say to one another when they couldn't agree in their debate?

I guess we're just on different ends of the spectrum.

Fork Jokes More Fork Jokes

Why did the blind man use chopsticks?

Because he couldn't see the point in forks.

What did Obi-wan say to Luke at the Chinese restaurant?

Use the fork, Luke.

Old Guy Jokes More Old Guy Jokes

What do you call an empty cheese whiz jar?

Cheese Was! some old guy came up to me on the street and told me this one.

What does a fish say when he hits concrete?

Dam! A customer told me that joke, equipped with an " old guys rule" shirt and a hardy fist bump.