Coffee Jokes

Why did the hipster burn his tongue?

Because he drank his coffee before it was cool.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

$19.99

How do you feel when there's no coffee?

Depresso.

Why can't the Transistor drink any more coffee?

Because it keeps Peein' n peein'

How does Moses makes his coffee?

Hebrews it.

Where do bourgeois monarchists get their coffee?

Tsarbucks

Why doesn't Coffee get along with milk in Germany?

Cause it doesn't want to be latte. Sorry. I just came up with this lame joke. Downvotes ahoy!

Who makes coffee for the U.N.?

The French Press Secretary!

Why Cant Coffee Shops Spell Correctly?

When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, Marc, with a C. Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.

What do you call a pink slip served inside a bag of coffee?

Grounds for termination.

What do you call two Canadians buying coffee?

Double double doubles

Why does coffee take so long to make in a purcolator?

Because it's not called a purconow.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

$19.99

Why do Communists only drink coffee?

Because proper tea is theft.

Who reads the news AND makes coffee?

Katie Keurig. (I know the setup might need some work but I just like the punchline I made up.)

What do aliens use to buy their coffee?

Starbucks

Why was the Instagram star so bad at making coffee?

Because she used #nofilter

How does Moses get his coffee?

He buys it from Starbucks...

What's the difference beetwen public official and private employee?

Private employee starts work checking email. Public official starts works making a coffee.

What kind of coffee does a peg legged pirate drink?

Decalfinated.

Who is the most popular guy at a nudist colony?

The one who can bring his friends two cups of coffee and a dozen donuts.

What do you call a poodle that serves coffee?

A Bark-ista! I said a bark-ista Coral.

How do you make a latte?

Add $5 to a cup of coffee.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

$19.99

How do Spaniards take their coffee?

Au lait.

Why do hipsters drink coffee so quickly?

They want to finish before it's cool.

Why didn't the coffee and the tea get along?

Because they were being "brewed"

What do you call coffee on the floor?

Ground Coffee.

Which southeast Asian drink is more popular, the iced tea or the coffee?

Neither. It's a Thai.

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Whats a yoga instructors favourite kind of coffee?

Pilatte

What do you call mixing hard liquor into coffee?

Getting ready for work

Where do birds meet for coffee?

In a nest-cafe!

What's with these people who take a sip of their coffee as soon as they get it?

Who are these iron-mouthed warriors

What's a a magician's favorite kind of coffee?

100% abracadabra

When does a lawyer make coffee?

When he has sufficient grounds

What Do You Call it When Someone Steals Someone Else's Coffee?

A Mugging.

Why do programmers drink coffee so much?

So they aren't lying when they say they like Java.

What crime was committed against the coffee?

He was mugged.

Where do super-villains get their coffee?

DUN-DUN-DUUUNNNNkin Donuts.

Why shouldn't you have coffee while on the clock?

Because that would be "grounds" for termination!

What do you call coffee made from coal?

Tarbucks.

What did the British proton say after 5 cups of coffee?

I feel positively charged!

How do I take my coffee?

Uh..Orally. Why How do you take it Freak.

Why can't I have coffee?

Me: It'll make u even more energetic than u already are 7: But u drink it all the time& u never have energy!

What do you call a coffee made with frothy milk that tastes like crap?

A farte

How do aliens pay for their coffees?

With Starbucks!

What is ISIS's favorite kind of coffee?

Decapitated

Who's the most popular guy in the nudist camp?

The one who can carry two cups of coffee AND a dozen donurs!

Where does a 19th century Russian imperialist get his coffee?

Tsarbucks.

Where did Nicholas II of Russia get his coffee?

Tsarbucks.

Who would win if Luke Skywalker fought Harry Potter?

Me 5: Me: Get some coffee

You might also enjoy:

Law Jokes More Law Jokes

How many mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb?

One. She just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around her.

What's the definition of mixed emotions?

When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.

N Jokes More N Jokes

What did N say to Z?

Stand up!

How many X does it take to change a light bulb?

N! One to change the light bulb, and n-1 to display stereotypical behavioral traits of X!

Brew Jokes More Brew Jokes

What does Moses do when he wants a beer?

He brews!

Why are bunnies so good at brewing?

Cause beer is made with hops.

Write Jokes More Write Jokes

Why Cant Coffee Shops Spell Correctly?

When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, Marc, with a C. Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.