What's a a magician's favorite kind of coffee?

100% abracadabra

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What do you call a pink slip served inside a bag of coffee?

Grounds for termination.

Why was the Instagram star so bad at making coffee?

Because she used #nofilter

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What happens when Lucy starts using 100% of her brain?

She's almost as smart as a man.

How many dubstep fans does it take to clean a shower?

100. 1 to actually clean the shower, and 99 to stand around and talk about how filthy it is.