What does a fire, flood, earthquake, tornado, hurricane, and a wife have in common?

Sooner or later, one of them is probably going to get your house.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What is the difference between a Mother and Wife?

One woman brings you into this world crying and the other ensures you continue to do so.

Why did you name your son Tinnitus?

I don't know, me and my wife just thought it had a nice ring to it.

House Jokes More House Jokes

What do you call an aging actor who has finally paid off his house?

Mortgage freeman.

How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company?

Q. How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company A. There's a big wheel parked outside his house.

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

What does its job only after its been fired?

A bullet.

Why was the necrophiliac fired from the crematory?

He was caught spreading remains before they were cremated.

Tornado Jokes More Tornado Jokes

How can you tell if a tornado is stupid?

If it spins anti-cyclonically

What did one tornado say to the other?

A. "Let's twist again like we did last summer...."

Hurricane Jokes More Hurricane Jokes

What do a hurricane and a divorce in Virginia have in common?

Screaming, crying, and somebody loses a trailer!

What is the difference between a divorce and a hurricane in the south?

Nothing, someone is losing a trailer!

Earthquake Jokes More Earthquake Jokes

What did one tectonic plate say to the other after the earthquake?

That was your fault!!!

What was James Bond after he slept through an earthquake?

Shaken, not stirred.

Flood Jokes More Flood Jokes

Why did the Irish Football manager flood the pitch?

So he could bring his 'sub' on

What should a football team do if the pitch is flooded?

Bring on their subs!