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Hurricane Jokes

What do you call it when someone leaves at the first sign of a hurricane?

A premature evacuation.

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What did the hurricane say to Hillary?

I didn't know disasters can run for office

What do you call a cow stuck in a hurricane?

A milkshake.

How did the New Orlean Pelicans get their name?

They should've gone with the Hurricanes.

What is the difference between a divorce and a hurricane in the south?

Nothing, someone is losing a trailer!

Why do hurricanes have girl names?

First they are all wild and wet, then they take your house.

What are hurricanes with a central dense overcast over the eye called?

Hurricanes with cataracts

How do hurricanes see?

With one eye

Why are hurricanes named after women?

Because they arrive wet and wild then leave with your house and car

What does a fire, flood, earthquake, tornado, hurricane, and a wife have in common?

Sooner or later, one of them is probably going to get your house.

How do i know you're not 1 of them?

Were you bit! What! Do you not know what a hurricane is

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What's the similarity between your wife and a tin roof in a hurricane?

If you didn't nail them properly they'll go see your neighbor

Why do hurricanes travel so fast?

Because if they travelled slowly we'd have to call them slow-i-canes.

Why is a hurricane called a hurricane?

If it were predictable, it'd be called a himmicane

What did the doctors office say to the hurricane?

Sorry, we don't take any Joaquins

What did the hurricane say to the other hurricane?

I have my eye on you.

Who names hurricanes?

Are people actually supposed to be intimidated by something named Sandy

What do a hurricane a tornado a fire and a divorce have in common?

They are four ways you can lose your house!

What do a hurricane and a divorce in Virginia have in common?

Screaming, crying, and somebody loses a trailer!

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Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

Who was Michael Jackson?

Son: Dad, is God man or a woman? Dad: His both, son. Son: Dad, is God black or white? Dad: His both, son. Son: Dad, is God good or bad? Dad: His both, son. Son: Dad, is God - Michael Jackson?

Why do men, on average, die before women?

Because they want to.

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What did Anakin Skywalker cry out as he lay dying and on fire?

Patme! Patme! Credit to my wife on this one

Why couldn't the Engineer Manager screw his wife?

Sorry I don't have the tools, I only supervise.

Hillary Jokes More Hillary Jokes

What would Hillary tell Bill when she will sit at the Oval Office?

Close, Bill, but no cigar!

What's Hillary's favorite pizza place?

Little Seizures Edit: credit to Joe Biggs rambobiggs

Entire East Coast Jokes More Entire East Coast Jokes

What do Kim Kardashian and Hurricane Sandy have in common?

They will both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV.

What do Hurricane Matthew and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They'll both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV

Eye Jokes More Eye Jokes

What is the first thing a blind man says?

My eyes! My eyes!

How do you know when you are going to drown in milk?

When it's past your eyes.

Cow Jokes More Cow Jokes

What do you call it when a cow goes on holiday?

A vaccation

What is cowhide mostly used for?

Keeping cows from falling apart.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between the inverse of sec(o) and the smallest region in the former Ottoman Empire?

One is cos(o), the other is Kosovo

What's the difference between LSD and LDS (Latter Day Saints)?

One you take with a sugar cube, the other with a grain of salt

Earthquake Jokes More Earthquake Jokes

What did one earthquake say to the other earthquake?

I've been really stressed out lately, I know it's not your fault, but please stop cracking jokes about me

What did the ground say to the earthquake?

It's your fault!