What did the guy who got fired for always being late say?

It was just a matter of time.

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What time is it when your watchdog lets a robber take the family silver?

Time to get a new watchdog.

What are you gonna do today?

Me: Shower. W: ...what else M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

What did the U.S president say before starting WW3?

Nukes... You're fired!

Why did the farmer's house catch on fire?

He left his home on the range.

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

What did they give the guy who invented the doorknocker?

A no-bell prize

What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets?

She went looking for the three guys.

Matter Jokes More Matter Jokes

What did one John say to the other John?

What's the matter You look flushed!

What's the matter with him?

Nothing. He's a positron.