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Shot Jokes

Which Star Wars character was arrested for drunk driving?

Han Solo. Because he took a shot first.

We've Got This Love Thing Down

We've Got This Love Thing Down

Why would John F. Kennedy make a horrible boxer?

Because he can't take a shot to the head.

Why did John F. Kennedy take a cab home?

Because he had too many shots.

Why didn't JFK ever like vodka?

Because he couldn't handle a few shots

How do you play the Oscar Pistorius drinking game?

Every time your girlfriend goes to the bathroom, take two shots

Why did Kennedy throw his head back?

He was taking a shot.

Why did Steph Curry cross the road?

Because he wasnt far enough from the 3pt line to take the shot.

Why do you never see any Stormtroopers as photographers?

They always miss the shot

Why is a roach clip called a roach clip?

Because pot holder was already taken -rim shot-

What's in a Paul Walker shot?

An Irish car bomb followed by a shot of Fireball

How do you prevent alcoholism?

Shots.

I Love Pizza & You

I Love Pizza & You

Why did Eminem make a terrible barista?

Because he kept insisting everyone only get one shot.

What is the best offensive joke you have? Can you make me laugh?

Read all the other threads. I need new content. The old stuff is getting, well old. Here's my contribution. Have you head of the new drinking game? The mike brown special: stand there and take 12 shots. What's the difference between mike brown and a college kid? College kids can handle more shots before they fall down.

What do you say if you're testing a new firearm?

I'll take a shot

Why did President Kennedy never get drunk?

He wasn't very good at taking shots.

Why couldn't JFK be a boxer?

He couldn't take shots to the head.

What is the difference between a girl and a pool table?

You have a shot with a pool table.

What did the Secret Service agent say to the President-elect when someone tried to take a shot at him?

Donald, Duck!

What'll ya have?

Cat: Shot of rum. Bartender pours it Cat slowly pushes it off the bar Cat: Another.

What type of person does cocaine after taking a shot?

A linebacker I came up with this on the toilet... Hope it's not old.

How much did Harambe drink in the bar?

Just a couple of shots

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What do you call a Car Bomb shot with a shot of Fireball?

A Paul Walker.

Why don't anti-vaxxers hang out in bars?

They're afraid of the shots.

Why can't you get drunk with a sniper?

Because they are usually done after one or two shots.

Why did the bros take a shot of alcohol together?

Because if one bro takes a shot, the other takes a slug! #Bromanceforlife #Dietogether

What's the difference between a bad mechanic and a politician?

With the mechanic, there's a shot something might get fixed...

Why do we live in a society where pizza arrives faster than police do?

Because the pizza guy has consequences for not doing his job correctly. "Oh damn, shots fired!" But not by the pizza guy.

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Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

How do you know he's a peeping tom?

Woman: "When I asked him what he was doing out there, he said 'I was trying to get a Pikachu'".

What do you get when you mix Fascism and Communism?

I don't know, that's why I was asking you.

Old Stuff Jokes More Old Stuff Jokes

Why is the archaeologist depressed?

Some old stuff just got dug up

What is the best offensive joke you have? Can you make me laugh?

Read all the other threads. I need new content. The old stuff is getting, well old. Here's my contribution. Have you head of the new drinking game? The mike brown special: stand there and take 12 shots. What's the difference between mike brown and a college kid? College kids can handle more shots before they fall down.

Cause Jokes More Cause Jokes

Why Can't America tell knock knock jokes?

Cause' freedom RINGS!

Why did the thieves get caught after robbing the Louvre?

Cause they didn't have the Monet to get Degas to make the van Gogh.

Irish Jokes More Irish Jokes

What's an Irish seven course meal?

A six pack and a potato

What is an Irish 7 course meal?

A six pack and a potato

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a house cleaner and a thief?

The way they enter your house.

What's the difference between a man and a woman?

A woman wants a man who can satisfy all her needs. A man wants all women who can satisfy his needs.

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

Where was Soloman's temple located?

On the side of his head.

Why would John F. Kennedy make a horrible boxer?

Because he can't take a shot to the head.

Alcohol Jokes More Alcohol Jokes

Why can't I get it up?

Okay, sometimes alcohol is the answer.

How do you get a Mormon to stop drinking all of your alcohol?

Invite two of them.

Shoot Jokes More Shoot Jokes

Why is cupid bad at basketball?

When he shoots, someone else scores.

What's the difference between a sniper with bad eyesight and a constipated owl?

One shoots but can't hit, the other hoots but can't sh...