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Shot Jokes

Which Star Wars character was arrested for drunk driving?

Han Solo. Because he took a shot first.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

Why would John F. Kennedy make a horrible boxer?

Because he can't take a shot to the head.

Why did John F. Kennedy take a cab home?

Because he had too many shots.

Why didn't JFK ever like vodka?

Because he couldn't handle a few shots

How do you play the Oscar Pistorius drinking game?

Every time your girlfriend goes to the bathroom, take two shots

Why did Kennedy throw his head back?

He was taking a shot.

Why did Steph Curry cross the road?

Because he wasnt far enough from the 3pt line to take the shot.

Why do you never see any Stormtroopers as photographers?

They always miss the shot

Why is a roach clip called a roach clip?

Because pot holder was already taken -rim shot-

What's in a Paul Walker shot?

An Irish car bomb followed by a shot of Fireball

How do you prevent alcoholism?

Shots.

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Why did Eminem make a terrible barista?

Because he kept insisting everyone only get one shot.

What is the best offensive joke you have? Can you make me laugh?

Read all the other threads. I need new content. The old stuff is getting, well old. Here's my contribution. Have you head of the new drinking game? The mike brown special: stand there and take 12 shots. What's the difference between mike brown and a college kid? College kids can handle more shots before they fall down.

What do you say if you're testing a new firearm?

I'll take a shot

Why did President Kennedy never get drunk?

He wasn't very good at taking shots.

Why couldn't JFK be a boxer?

He couldn't take shots to the head.

What is the difference between a girl and a pool table?

You have a shot with a pool table.

What did the Secret Service agent say to the President-elect when someone tried to take a shot at him?

Donald, Duck!

What'll ya have?

Cat: Shot of rum. Bartender pours it Cat slowly pushes it off the bar Cat: Another.

What type of person does cocaine after taking a shot?

A linebacker I came up with this on the toilet... Hope it's not old.

How much did Harambe drink in the bar?

Just a couple of shots

$Your Age Is Only Math$

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Your Age Is Only Math

What do you call a Car Bomb shot with a shot of Fireball?

A Paul Walker.

Why don't anti-vaxxers hang out in bars?

They're afraid of the shots.

Why can't you get drunk with a sniper?

Because they are usually done after one or two shots.

Why did the bros take a shot of alcohol together?

Because if one bro takes a shot, the other takes a slug! #Bromanceforlife #Dietogether

What's the difference between a bad mechanic and a politician?

With the mechanic, there's a shot something might get fixed...

Why do we live in a society where pizza arrives faster than police do?

Because the pizza guy has consequences for not doing his job correctly. "Oh damn, shots fired!" But not by the pizza guy.

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Cause Jokes More Cause Jokes

Why is sorority row the safest place to be during a zombie invasion?

Cause the zombies are looking for braaaaaaaains

Why do failing college girls always screw their professors?

Cause they want the D.

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

What do you get if you walk under a cow?

A pat on the head.

What's one profession that doctors, lawyers, even the king of Saudi Arabia and the presidents of the USSR and US bow their heads to?

Barbers.

Follow Jokes More Follow Jokes

What is the creepiest letter of the alphabet?

V. Because no matter where you are, any time of any day, no matter what you do, V always follows U.

Why did the dyslexic, Russian astronomer hate the revolution?

He was following the Tsar.

Scold Jokes More Scold Jokes

How to not get scolded by your parents if you want GTA V?

Mom! I want to play GTA V! Giant Turtles ATTACK V!

How do mathematicians scold their children?

If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times...

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

Why couldn't Jesus play marbles?

Because they kept falling through his hands.

When the lumberjacks sawed down the tree where did the Gorilla hiding in the uppermost branches land?

Nearby - the Ape-lle doesn't fall far from the tree!

Fireball Jokes More Fireball Jokes

What do you call a Car Bomb shot with a shot of Fireball?

A Paul Walker.

What's in a Paul Walker shot?

An Irish car bomb followed by a shot of Fireball

Read Jokes More Read Jokes

What did the Mexican fire chief call his 2 sons?

Hose A and hose B (read it out loud)

What do you say when you are trying to scare your girlfriend?

Boo bae! (Read aloud please)

Mike Jokes More Mike Jokes

What is the best offensive joke you have? Can you make me laugh?

Read all the other threads. I need new content. The old stuff is getting, well old. Here's my contribution. Have you head of the new drinking game? The mike brown special: stand there and take 12 shots. What's the difference between mike brown and a college kid? College kids can handle more shots before they fall down.

What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?

MIKE: We'll have a boo Christmas without you.