Guy Jokes

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the ocean?

Bob

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When all of a sudden Tinker Bell shows up. He goes to a worker and says, "Wow, you guys have fairies in here?

The worker then says, "No, our CEO doesn't like it."

Why did the IT guy want to be an astronaut?

So he can find router space.

What has eight legs and an IQ of forty?

Four guys watching a baseball game.

What are you guys doing here?

Just waiting for Ronaldo

What would you guys like to ask an American?

Nevermind they'll just tell you anyway

Why wouldn't Kurt Cobain let you charge your phone at his house?

The guy likes his power chords too much.

What did the guy who didn't like vegetables say?

I don't really carrot all for vegetables.

Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus?

At the end of the day I'm just a guy in a bikini on the bus.

How do you know you are at r/jokes?

The guys all look like they played football for Bronx HighSchool of Science

Why can't iron oxide get a date?

Porque es FeO Little bilingual chemistry joke for you guys.

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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a lake?

Bob

Why was that guy yelling at you?

Flashback to me ignoring the "one per customer" sign me with a mouthful of cheese samples No idea

What should it sound like when it's connecting?

Guy in the back stands up confidently Pterodactyls

Where does a guy from Arkansas go to pick up girls?

Family reunions.

Why did the guy get fired from the orange juice factory?

He couldn't concentrate

What do you call a guy who likes Adobe and little boys?

A PDFile

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs at your front door?

Matt

Why did the guy take his (computer) tablet to the cemetery?

Because it was dead.

What did the right nut say to the left nut?

This guy in the middle thinks he's hard!

What if we gave people enough for three fries?

Guy who invented ketchup packets

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What happened to the guy who cooled himself to -273.15 C?

He was 0K.

What do you call a guy that steals burgers?

A hamburglar!

What is Unidan's favorite fast food joint?

Five Guys.

What is something that basically stops when you stare at it, but flys by when you dont?

There are two answere: Time and Boo (from Mario games). Just made this joke up what do you guys think

What did one triangle say to the other triangle about the square?

Look out for that guy, he's got another side to him.

What do a Wendy's Hamburger and the Waco compound have in common?

They were both cooked by a guy named "Dave".

What do you call a guy who does not fart in public?

A private tutor.

What do you call a guy going down on a girl with a smile on his face?

A Gladiator

What do you call a group of IT guys that smoke meth?

Geek Squad

Why not ask the guy who took that picture?

Just kidding, I ran over it.

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What do you call a guy stuck in the same job for 30 years?

A four term US senator.

What do you call two guys using the same urinal?

Peers

How often do you guys close your internet tabs?

One of mine is from the Kerry/Edwards campaign.

Why do they put chicken wire around these plants?

Other guy:" To protect the chicken plants"

Why did the guy that owned a chocolate building bang his mom?

Because he had an edible complex.

Why did the guy cut a hole in his carpet?

He wanted to watch the floor show. And why did he cover it back up...He realized that he didn't want to watch the "hole" show.

When a coworker tells everyone he proposed, I'm the guy that asks, "So, what did she say?

I'm funny that way.

What does an IT guys use for birth control?

His personality.

What does a guy want more than anything in the world?

It doesn't matter. He has to ask his wife first.

Why couldn't the guy with insomnia have an affair with anyone's wife?

Because he couldn't sleep with anyone.

What is it called when 5 girls get into bed with one guy?

A "no one will ever believe me".

What do guys like but are afraid of?

Girls

What happend to the guys who kidnapped Batman?

They got Bale.

Why did the blonde go to church?

B/c she heard there was a guy hung like this(https://riverchurchtelford.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/jesus.jpg)

What do you guys think of message boards?

I'm all forum.

What can guys call it?

How about bleeding white

What have you tried so far?

Me: Everything IT guy: Me: I shook the mouse a few times and did some swearing

Who won the Battle of the Bulge?

The guy with the bulge in his sock...

What happens when you mock the host of Diners, Drive-In's, and Dives?

The guy gets fierious.

What did the guy say when he found out that his wife's breast s had implants?

THOSE ARE SILLY CONES

What do you call it when guys find older women unusually attractive?

The Stunning-Cougar Effect.

What are you guys yelling about?

Them: YOU'RE DRIVING

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?

They say he made a mint.

Did you hear the one about the guy with the broken hearing aid?

Neither did he.

Two guys walk into a bar...

The first guy says "Ouch!" and the second says "Yeah, I didn't see it either."

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Football Team Jokes More Football Team Jokes

Who's the most meta player on a Football team?

The PUNter.

Why was Cinderella kicked out of the football team?

She ran away from the ball.

Mercede Jokes More Mercede Jokes

What is the difference between a Mercedes and a Lexus?

Princess Diana wouldn't be caught dead in a Lexus...

What's the difference between a Volvo and a Mercedes?

Princess Diana wouldn't be caught dead in a Volvo

Police Jokes More Police Jokes

What do police and my laundry detergent not have in common?

One protects all colors.

What do The Police do to catch criminals easily?

Sting operation, of course!

Uncle Jokes More Uncle Jokes

What do you get when you have an ant with 8 legs?

An uncle that has to build a bigger shoe closet...

Why is it quicker to build a snowman than a snowwoman?

It takes too long to hollow out her head. (I got this one from my uncle)

Bonjour Jokes More Bonjour Jokes

How do you say "I surrender" in French?

Bonjour

What did one French Guy say to another French Guy?

Bonjour, je m'apelle Guy aussi!" ("Hello, I am called Guy as well!")

French Guy Jokes More French Guy Jokes

What did one French Guy say to another French Guy?

Bonjour, je m'apelle Guy aussi!" ("Hello, I am called Guy as well!")

What did the French guy say when a bird pooped on him?

I have Grey Poupon me

100 Jokes More 100 Jokes

How many chameleons are in the room with you right now?

You can never answer this question with 100% certainty.

What does 100% humidity mean?

Even dry farts feel like wet farts.

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Did you hear about the cow who jumped over the barbed wire fence?

It was udder destruction.

What's the worst they could say? No?

I'm a married man, I hear no at least two times a week.