What's the difference between a guy wearing a bullet proof vest and the English football team?

The guy would survive the first round.

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Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a 4 year-old child?

Eric Clapton never would have let his bag of coke fall out of a 49th-story window!

What are the differences among a piano, a tuna, and super glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus?

At the end of the day I'm just a guy in a bikini on the bus.

Why are there no guys named William serving in the army?

Because they dislike the phrase "Fire at Will"

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

What does a Pirate prefer to wear?

Doublet or nothing.

What brand of shoes do chickens wear?

Reebok bok bok

English Jokes More English Jokes

What does one call an undertaker that's been drafted into the Military?

A Corpseman. Painfully obvious, yet a terrible play on the English language, I know. It was something I came up with a few years ago, for some unknown reason.

What's the only thing the English and French agree on?

Americans. Alternatives: What's the only thing Americans and the French agree on? The English. What's the only thing the English and Americans agree on? The French.

Round Jokes More Round Jokes

What do you say when an episode of explosive diarrhoea turns into a round of smooth poop?

What a wondrous *turd* of events.

Who dropped a wad of notes with an elastic band round them?

I did! Well here's the elastic band.

Survive Jokes More Survive Jokes

Who has one thumb and survived a band saw accident?

This guy!!!

What human organ would survive the longest in the hunger games?

The liver