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What's the difference between a guy wearing a bullet proof vest and the English football team?

The guy would survive the first round.

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Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a princess and a witch?

2 years of marriage.

What's the difference between Jesus and the chicken that crossed the road?

Jesus died on the cross

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

What do you get when you cross a philosopher, an insomniac and a dyslexic?

A guy who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog. Infinite Jest, by DFW

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the water?

Bob

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

Why dont applebees employees wear watches?

Cuz theres a clock on the microwave

What do ateists wear on their necks as an indication of their commitment to the atheism?

Head.

English Jokes More English Jokes

Which cat won the race?

The English cat. Un deux trois cat sank.

What is the longest sentence in the English language?

I do.

Round Jokes More Round Jokes

How many volunteers do we have for the army?

384 sir" "okay round them up" "400 sir"

What's the difference between an 18yo and a washing machine?

You can dump your load in a washing machine and it won't follow you round for two weeks telling you it loves you

Survive Jokes More Survive Jokes

What do you call a soldier who survives mustard gas and pepper spray attacks?

A seasoned veteran.

What do u call a Mexican who survives a shootout and lives to tell the tale?

The Juan who lived.