Survive Jokes

Who survives?

America.

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What do you call LeVar Burton that survived months of being lost in the wilderness?

Geordi La Forage

Who survived?

The pilot who jumped out with a parachute.

What animal can only survive in temperate climates?

A lukeworm.

What human organ would survive the longest in the hunger games?

The liver

Who has one thumb and survived a band saw accident?

This guy!!!

How are college students like plants?

They both need natural light to survive!

What do you call a soldier who survives mustard gas and pepper spray attacks?

A seasoned veteran.

How did Bilbo survive the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy?

Because old Hobbits die hard...

What do you call a soldier who survives Mustard gas and pepper spray?

A seasoned veteran.

What do you call a pirate who is lost at sea and has to drink his own pee to survive?

Aarrrrrrr Kelly!

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What happens when an American has a heart attack and survives?

A 'murical.

What kind of bug can survive all winter?

A bahumbug!

How did Warren Buffets company survive the economic meltdown?

It's a trade secret, but don't worry, Berkshire Hathaway

What's the difference between a guy wearing a bullet proof vest and the English football team?

The guy would survive the first round.

Why is a room of 50 doctors safer than a room with 1000 doctors?

You can't survive in 1000 degrees. *credit to my friend Neriah.

What do you call a soldier who survived pepper spray and mustard gas?

A seasoned veteran

What do you call a soldier who's survived mustard gas and pepper spray?

A seasoned veteran.

When you fall in love it burns and you die, right?

Yes, son. Love is terrible. "No Mom, I said LAVA." Oh. You maybe can survive that one.

What do u call a Mexican who survives a shootout and lives to tell the tale?

The Juan who lived.

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Need Jokes More Need Jokes

What's the difference between America and Saudi Arabia?

You don't need a computer to play minesweeper in Saudi Arabia. (I'm not sorry)

What is the difference between Jesus and a painting?

You only need a nail to hang a painting.

Bilbo Jokes More Bilbo Jokes

Who should have played Bilbo Baggins in Lord of the Rings?

Bruce Willis. Because old hobbits die hard.

How does Bilbo take his tea?

Bag-in

Jump Jokes More Jump Jokes

Why wouldn't the skeleton jump off the cliff?

Because it had no guts.

Why does Mexico never wins any medals at the Olympic Games?

Because everyone who runs, swims, or jump really well is already across the border.

Season Veteran Jokes More Season Veteran Jokes

What do you call a retired soldier who's been blighted with mustard gas and pepper spray?

A seasoned veteran

What do you call a soldier who's survived mustard gas and pepper spray?

A seasoned veteran.

College Student Jokes More College Student Jokes

Why do college students already get up at 7?

Because the supermarket closes at 7:30

What is the difference between a camel and a college student?

Camel can go days without drinking!

Survival Jokes More Survival Jokes

Parachute Jokes More Parachute Jokes

What do you call two line dancers doing the dance Shoot the Rooster?

A. A Pair of Shoot (parachute)

How can you tell a Belgian in a submarine?

He's the one with a parachute on his back.

Animal Jokes More Animal Jokes

What did people start calling the medical school that allowed animals to study medicine?

The hippocampus.

What animal is faster than a cheetah?

A cow dropped out of a helicopter.