Survive Jokes

Who survives?

America.

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What do you call LeVar Burton that survived months of being lost in the wilderness?

Geordi La Forage

Who survived?

The pilot who jumped out with a parachute.

What animal can only survive in temperate climates?

A lukeworm.

What human organ would survive the longest in the hunger games?

The liver

Who has one thumb and survived a band saw accident?

This guy!!!

How are college students like plants?

They both need natural light to survive!

What do you call a soldier who survives mustard gas and pepper spray attacks?

A seasoned veteran.

How did Bilbo survive the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy?

Because old Hobbits die hard...

What do you call a soldier who survives Mustard gas and pepper spray?

A seasoned veteran.

What do you call a pirate who is lost at sea and has to drink his own pee to survive?

Aarrrrrrr Kelly!

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What happens when an American has a heart attack and survives?

A 'murical.

What kind of bug can survive all winter?

A bahumbug!

How did Warren Buffets company survive the economic meltdown?

It's a trade secret, but don't worry, Berkshire Hathaway

What's the difference between a guy wearing a bullet proof vest and the English football team?

The guy would survive the first round.

Why is a room of 50 doctors safer than a room with 1000 doctors?

You can't survive in 1000 degrees. *credit to my friend Neriah.

What do you call a soldier who survived pepper spray and mustard gas?

A seasoned veteran

What is the difference between British and American schoolchildren?

British schoolchildren survive hide-and-seek.

What do you call a soldier who's survived mustard gas and pepper spray?

A seasoned veteran.

When you fall in love it burns and you die, right?

Yes, son. Love is terrible. "No Mom, I said LAVA." Oh. You maybe can survive that one.

What do u call a Mexican who survives a shootout and lives to tell the tale?

The Juan who lived.

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Why did the identical twins survive the plane crash?

Because twins being destroyed by planes is too cliche, I guess.

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Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

Why bother drinking water?

You're just gonna pee it out. This is what Big Water doesn't want you to know.

What beverage does Bruce Lee like to drink?

WAA-TAA!

Wilderness Jokes More Wilderness Jokes

What do you call an actor who has given up civilized life and gone to live in the wilderness?

Will Feral. Edit: I tried

What do you call LeVar Burton that survived months of being lost in the wilderness?

Geordi La Forage

College Student Jokes More College Student Jokes

Where do college students go for medical attention?

An I.V. League.

Why do college students already get up at 7?

Because the supermarket closes at 7:30

Soldier Jokes More Soldier Jokes

What did the soldier use to season his fries?

A salt rifle.

Why did the Romans build straight roads?

So their soldiers didn't go around the bend!

Old Hobbits Jokes More Old Hobbits Jokes

Why did Bilbo Baggins live for so long?

Because old Hobbits die hard...

How did Bilbo survive the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy?

Because old Hobbits die hard...

Season Veteran Jokes More Season Veteran Jokes

Why did the Romans pay their soldiers in salt?

So they would end up with seasoned veterans.

What do you call a retired soldier who's been blighted with mustard gas and pepper spray?

A seasoned veteran

Animal Jokes More Animal Jokes

Why can't animals take tests?

Too many cheetahs!!!!

What animal has bad memory and climbs mountains?

A Forgoat.

America Jokes More America Jokes

Who survives?

America.

How did Mitt Romney get a 14% tax rate?

He claimed 47% of America as dependents.