Survive Jokes

Who survives?

America.

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What do you call LeVar Burton that survived months of being lost in the wilderness?

Geordi La Forage

Who survived?

The pilot who jumped out with a parachute.

What animal can only survive in temperate climates?

A lukeworm.

What human organ would survive the longest in the hunger games?

The liver

Who has one thumb and survived a band saw accident?

This guy!!!

How are college students like plants?

They both need natural light to survive!

What do you call a soldier who survives mustard gas and pepper spray attacks?

A seasoned veteran.

How did Bilbo survive the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy?

Because old Hobbits die hard...

What do you call a soldier who survives Mustard gas and pepper spray?

A seasoned veteran.

What do you call a pirate who is lost at sea and has to drink his own pee to survive?

Aarrrrrrr Kelly!

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What happens when an American has a heart attack and survives?

A 'murical.

What kind of bug can survive all winter?

A bahumbug!

How did Warren Buffets company survive the economic meltdown?

It's a trade secret, but don't worry, Berkshire Hathaway

What's the difference between a guy wearing a bullet proof vest and the English football team?

The guy would survive the first round.

Why is a room of 50 doctors safer than a room with 1000 doctors?

You can't survive in 1000 degrees. *credit to my friend Neriah.

What do you call a soldier who survived pepper spray and mustard gas?

A seasoned veteran

What is the difference between British and American schoolchildren?

British schoolchildren survive hide-and-seek.

What do you call a soldier who's survived mustard gas and pepper spray?

A seasoned veteran.

When you fall in love it burns and you die, right?

Yes, son. Love is terrible. "No Mom, I said LAVA." Oh. You maybe can survive that one.

What do u call a Mexican who survives a shootout and lives to tell the tale?

The Juan who lived.

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Why did the identical twins survive the plane crash?

Because twins being destroyed by planes is too cliche, I guess.

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Need Jokes More Need Jokes

What did the mailman say when his Mail truck caught fire?

That he needed to address the situation

Who is that walking up my driveway?

Anxiety in 3...2...1... knock, knock *sigh* "WAIT A SECOND!" *mumbles* "I need to find pants."

Chink Jokes More Chink Jokes

Congratulation Jokes More Congratulation Jokes

What is your opinion on women making 75% of a man's wages for the same job?

I said "Congratulations!!!"

Season Veteran Jokes More Season Veteran Jokes

What do you call an old soldier who has been sprinkled in salt and pepper?

A seasoned veteran.

Why did the Romans pay their soldiers in salt?

So they would end up with seasoned veterans.

College Student Jokes More College Student Jokes

What do college students and deer have in common?

They both stand in the middle of the road and stare at your headlights.

What is the difference between a camel and a college student?

Camel can go days without drinking!

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

How did Jared Fogel lose 60 pounds?

He broke up with his girlfriend.

How much do you think I will be losing with this?

Pharmacist replies: Well... around 200 bucks.

America Jokes More America Jokes

Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America?

On their feet!

How did Christopher Columbus 'discover' America?

By occident

Survival Jokes More Survival Jokes

What's the difference between a mouse and a rat?

1 has a less likely chance of survival in the dog pound