French Jokes

In Heaven, the cops are British, the engineers are German, the lovers are French, the cooks are Italian and the whole thing is managed by the Swiss In Hell, the cops are German, the engineers are French, the lovers are Swiss, the cooks are British and the whole thing is managed by the Italians

Why did Aristotle hate French fries?

They were fried in ancient grease!

What kind of coffee do the Islamists hate the most?

French press

How do you say "I surrender" in French?

Bonjour

Where do French lawyers like to relax?

The J'accusi

What did the Italian dressing say to the French dressing?

Nothing. Dressings don't have arms

Why do the French like Easter?

Because it's such a bonne ide.

How do French psychologists like their beverages?

Froid

What do French people say when they don't want to see someone ever again?

Au nevoir.

What do you call it when three French cats get into a boat only meant for two?

Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq!

What do French Business Men use to ice their cakes?

Franchicing

What does a French sheep say?

Ca ba?

What did the French chef give his wife on Valentine's Day?

A hug and a little quiche.

Why was the French chef sent to prison?

He was convicted of crepe.

What do Godot and my wife have in common?

Both are French.

What did the French man say when he tripped down the stairs?

Eiffel.

What do French people call a really bad Thursday?

A trajeudi.

How do you advertise a French rifle?

Never fired, dropped once.

What did a blind French guy said he wanted for Christmas?

All I want for Christmas is yeux

What do you call and Irishman who works in a French cafe?

Paddy Hor D'oeuvre

What did the French chef say when the cheese factory exploded?

Looks like we have debris all over the place

What do you call a French soul singer?

Beret White

What did the French guy say when he forgot to tell his driver to turn left?

Oh, gosh!

What do the French call a bad Thursday?

A tra-jeudi.

Where were the first French fries made?

In grease

Why can't the French cook two eggs?

Because one egg is

Why so the French line their streets with trees?

So the Germans can march in the shade

What do you call a magic dog in French?

A magi-chien.

What is the difference between an American rabbit and a French rabbit?

The American rabbit goes hippity hop and the French rabbit goes lickety split!

What's the policy at French morgues?

Baguette and tag it.

Why don't the French enjoy travelling to Northern Ireland?

Because they don't like the smell of Derry air.

Whats the new French flag look like?

A white cross emblazoned on a white background!

What's the difference between the French and toast?

You can make soldiers out of toast!

Why did the French Hen give up her job?

One day she'd just had un uf.

Why are French guns the best to buy?

They've never been fired, and only dropped once.

Why don't French people smile in pictures?

The French word for "cheese" is "fromage".

Why don't the French like kiwifruit?

Because of the green piece inside.

What's the only thing the English and French agree on?

Americans. Alternatives: What's the only thing Americans and the French agree on? The English. What's the only thing the English and Americans agree on? The French.

Why did the French chef quit working at the haunted restaurant?

He got crped out.

What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory?

All that was left was de brie.

Why do French people only ever have one egg for breakfast?

Because one egg is

Why do the French make omelettes with only one egg?

Because in France one egg is un oeuf.

Why are Microsoft circuit boards so bad?

They use French resistors.

What is French Super Mario's favorite board game?

Le Ouija

Which French novelist looked like a scrotum?

Balzac

What's the difference between a French kiss and an Australian kiss?

They are basically the same except you do an Australian kiss down under.

What's a French egg's favourite airforce?

L'oueftwaffe.

What is a French bakers lifestyle like?

Its a life of pain

Why do French tanks have review mirrors?

Because they want to see the front line too

Why did the French man put a bomb on his kitchen floor?

Because he wanted to see Linoleum Blownapart.

Who is the easiest to get a high-five from in a war?

The French. They always have their hands up.

How does Homer Simpson say watermelon in French?

Melon D'OH

Why do most French recipes require only one egg?

In France, one egg is *un oeuf*

What did the French philosopher say to the vegetable playing poker?

All in, du thyme

What's the difference between a slice of toast and the French?

You can make soldiers out of a slice of toast.

Why should you torrent only from French sites?

Because it'll run faster.

What's a French person's favorite video game system?

The Wii! (Oui)

What's an Australian Kiss?

A French kiss down under ;) *first post here, a coworker of mine told me the joke. Go easy :)*

How did the blonde burn her nose?

Bobbing for French fries.

How does a French woman hold her liquor?

By the ears.

Why did the French chef go to the police?

Escargot stolen.

What do French pupils say after finishing their school dinners?

Mercy!

What's an Australian Kiss?

It's like a French kiss, but down under.

How can you identify a French Infantryman?

Sunburned armpits.

Why didn't the Duke of Windsor let his French servant help him tie his tie?

He never does it with a four-in (foreign)-hand.

Why is French person a better team player than a pirate?

The pirate says, "Aye, aye!" The French says, "Oui, oui!"

What does a French beaver call her home?

Madame

What do the French call artificial feet for cats?

Faux Paws

What sort of underwear does the ghost of a French baker wear?

Boulangerie.

How does French cheese expire?

From age

How many French horn players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

100, 1 to screw it in and 99 to say how they could do it better.

Why did the French milkman have to hurry?

He was running lait

What is the best celebration to have in a French Toilet?

A biday party!!

What's the holiest, French color?

Sacred blue!

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Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

What do you call a guy who makes "women in the kitchen" jokes?

Single.

What did the guy with 6 children say to the guy with six felonies?

I don't know they were speaking Spanish.

Motto Jokes More Motto Jokes

What is the motto for the Epilepsy Research Society?

Sieze the day

What's the motto of the Singaporean police?

Big Brudder is watching you

Horrible Person Jokes More Horrible Person Jokes

What do you call a French human delicacy?

Estruckgo I came up with this while drinking French vodka. I am a horrible person when i drink French vodka.

Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

What happened to the fireman who let the house burn?

He got fired.

What's the difference between a cello and a violin?

A cello burns longer.

English Jokes More English Jokes

What is the most awesomely amazing word in the English language?

Anticlimactic

What are the 5 most terrifying word in the English language?

Five more years of Cameron

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How do you know an engineer is an extrovert?

He stares at shoes while he talks to you.

Why was the blot of ink so sad?

It's mother was in the pen and it didn't know how long the sentence was.

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

What do you call a smart knife?

Cleaver! EDIT: Also Sharp, knew about this one but I like Cleaver better.

Which joke has the maximum HOT Nuns in it?

You don't know none.. And here to learn one.. So when you are with your friends.. Or walking with your son.. Tell them reddit jokes.. thinking now they would listen... (to you) play it cool, play it slow.. No need to blow.. Take this further, take this far.. till sang by a star. (Improvise it as you like, don't care about the grammar. No rapper does.)

Cook Jokes More Cook Jokes

What do you call a monk that cooks potatoes?

A friar? A chip monk?

What does a black and white bear use to cook its dinner?

A pan, duh!

French Jokes

Why did the French geologist have to go to the hospital?

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What French city always surrenders first?

What do you get when you have the ghost of a French Viking?

What do French people say after they've gone to the bathroom?

How does a French soldier greet his comrades?

Why did the French police arrested the Muslim teenager?

What is the favorite number of French potheads?

What do French people put on really funny sandwiches?

What is the favorite scientific unit of the French?

How many French words has the Turkish language recently adopted?

What does a French truck driver shout during Bastille Day?

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Why is it impossible to say no to French fries with cheese and bacon?

How do French thank who save their files?

What did one French Guy say to another French Guy?

Who makes coffee for the U.N.?

What do you call a French bathroom with a bomb in it?

What do French people do when vacationing in Laos?

What do you call the system of honour of French horses?

What's a barista in France's favorite workout?

What game do French schoolchildren like to play?

How do you know if you're in a French Village?

Couple's Daily Question Mug

What did the French baker ghost said?

What smells of cheese and is filled with holes?

What does a French carpenter say when he runs out of nails?

What were the French children doing in the pool?

How does a French alcoholic greet someone?

What's in Heaven and Hell?