Mexican Jokes

What did David Crockett say when he looked over the Alamo wall and saw 3000 Mexicans?

Hey I didn't know we were pouring concrete today.

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What do you call... What do you call four Mexicans standing in quicksand?

Cuatros Cincos

What do you call a Mexican knockoff burger restaurant?

Carlos Jr.

What's the funniest type of Mexican food?

Fajitahahahas

Which dessert did Darth Vader order in the Mexican restaurant?

Helado oscuro!

What do you get when a Mexican and Muslim have a child?

A kid who loves halalpenos

What does DJ Khaled call his Mexican friends?

Another Juan

What did the Mexican shopkeeper say to the thief?

That's Nachos.

Why don't Mexicans have barbeques?

The beans keep slipping through the grill.

What do you call it when the women in the back of a Mexican brothel talk after working all night?

Whorechata. Probably my best original, lemme know what you think.

What do you kiss on a Mexican dish that will trigger the end of the world?

El Taco Lips.

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How do Mexicans keep their food warm?

Chicken Fajitas.

What kind of flooring does a Mexican fit?

Underlay! Underlay!

What do Mexicans use with the Wii-U?

Amiigo

What do you call five Mexicans drowning at the bottom of their pool?

Cinco.

What do salads and Mexicans have in common?

They both benefit America!

What did the Mexican fire chief call his two sons?

Jose and josB (Hose A &amp Hose B)

What did the Mexican girl say to her fiance?

You're the Juan!

How do Mexicans warm their houses in the winter months?

Central Fajiting.

What do you call a Mexican carpet fitter?

Underlay underlay

Why do Mexicans make burritos?

So they can unwrap something for Christmas!

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Why do Mexican students act like they own the school?

Because there mom cleans it and there dad fixed the roof

What do you call two Mexican firefighters?

Hose A and Hose B.

When's ladies' night at the Mexican restaurant?

Taco Tuesday

Why were there only 1000 people at the Million Mexican March?

They only had 2 trucks.

What did the Mexican say when his homework flew out the window?

Where you going essay!

What do you call a Mexican who can see into the future?

Cristobal

What do you call a Mexican Aunt?

A tor-tia.

Why did 5000 Mexicans show up to fight at the Alamo?

They only had two cars.

What do you call Mexican stoners?

Baked beans

What did they call the Mexican cleaning robot?

Aye CaRoomba

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Why was the Mexican tire sad?

Because it was despair

Why shouldn't you throw a rock at a Mexican riding a bike?

Because that might be your bike

What did the American Army General say after the first opposing casualty in the Mexican-American War?

Juan down, a million more to go.

What did the Mexican guy get for Christmas?

His verdict.

Why was the new Mexican sad?

He was out of meth. Why was the old Mexican sad All his friends are dead.

What do books have that Mexicans don't?

Papers.

What do you call two Mexicans playing tennis?

Juan on Juan.

Why don't Mexicans have BBQ s?

Because beans always fall through the grill.

What do you call Mexican potato chips?

Oles Potato Chips!

What's a cats favorite Mexican dish?

A purr-rito

What do you call a Mexican woman with a large labia minora?

Cunstwaylow

What does a Mexican magician make for breakfast?

Toast-tah-dahs!

What does a Mexican carpet fitter say to motivate his colleagues?

Underlay! Underlay!

What does the Mexican kid say as his homework flys out of the window?

Ayyee essay, where are you going

What do you call a Mexican boxing match?

Juan v Juan

What do you call four Mexicans that have drowned?

Cuatro Cinco.

Where does a Mexican store his food?

Hispantry

Why isn't there many Mexicans in Europe?

BeCause it's to cold, long a swim

What do 12 year old Mexican girls and born-again christians have in common?

They both have a little Jesus in 'em...

What do Mexicans cut their pizza with?

I asked, "What " He said, "Little Caesars!"

What do you call Chinese soup made by a Mexican?

Juan-ton soup

What do you call two Mexicans playing soccer?

Juan on Juan.

What do you get if you cross a Mexican with an Irishman?

A redhead who can tan.

Why were there only 40,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?

They only had 2 trucks

What do Mexican parents and good reddit comments have in common?

They have lots of children.

What do you call a Mexican who's car got stolen?

Carlos.

How many Mexicans do you need to change a Lightbulb?

Juan.

How does a Mexican use 'liver' and 'cheese' in the same sentence?

Liver alone, cheese mine!

What do you call a street on the Mexican border?

Wall Street

What's the name of the tree that gives Mexicans?

The scaffolding

What did the Mexican firefighter name his two kids?

Jose and Hose-B

What's a Mexican midget barbers favorite restaurant?

Little Cesar's

Why did the Mexican lorry driver lose his job?

He ate his tacho.

What do Mexicans say when they're cold?

BRRRRRRRRiba!

What do you get when you cross an Arab with a Mexican?

Oil of Ole'

What is a Mexicans favourite sport?

Cross-Country

What do Mexican's put under their carpet?

Underlay

What did the Mexican... What did the Mexican man order at the country musician themed restaurant?

A Reba!

What is a Mexican astronomer's favorite food?

A Quasar-dilla.

What did the wife say as she left her Mexican husband?

I'm sorry but I love another Juan.

What do you get when you cross a Mexican cholo and an ill tempered Irishman?

A surprisingly stable person according to my Homie O'Statis.

What do you call a Mexican baby born yesterday?

Diego

What did the Mexican fire chief call his 2 sons?

Hose A and hose B (read it out loud)

What do you call Mexican food when it gets cold?

A burrrrrrito.

What do you ask a Mexican girl you like?

Netflix and chili

What do Mexicans say on their first day in America?

Jose can you see, by the dawn's early light...

How do Mexicans line up?

Juan by Juan

What did one Mexican say to the other Mexican when there were no room in the van?

Yo no space.

What's the slowest thing in the world?

A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.

Why do Mexicans keep naming their child Jesus?

Jesus wasn't Mexican. He was human.

What do you call a Mexican in Canada?

ACCOMPLISHED. They crossed two borders!

Why aren't there any Mexican swimmers in the Olympics?

Because they're all in the US

What does Colonel Mustard's Mexican maid call him?

Phonetically-ish)* Mis'ser Dijon.

What do you call a Mexican on a RIDING lawn mower?

Promoted

What makes Mexican and black jokes so similar?

Once you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal.

What did the Mexican carpeting salesman yell to promote his business?

Underlay! Underlay!

What does a Mexican get when he slides down a hill?

Gracias

What does the arabs put in their Mexican food?

Allah-penos

What did the Mexican princess ask her sister?

Tijuana build a snowman

What do you call a Mexican whose car has been stolen?

Carlos

What do a baseball and a Mexican have in common?

The harder you hit it the more English you get

Why was Juan late to the Mexican food party?

Because he had to pick up the Pace! (Pace salsa)

What's the difference between "choice" and "choose?

Choice" is your ability to make decisions, "choose" are what Mexicans put on their feet.

What is a Mexican's least favorite nursery rhyme?

Humpty Dumpty

Whats the difference between a Mexican and a power tool?

Power tools are found inside the Home Depot.

What did the Mexican say to the Italian?

Que pasta

What do u call a Mexican who survives a shootout and lives to tell the tale?

The Juan who lived.

How many Mexicans does it take to run a computer?

Dos

What do you call a Mexican gondolier?

Pedro.

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Sink Jokes More Sink Jokes

Which cat made it across?

The second cat because un deux trois cat sank.

What has six eyes but cannot see?

Three men in a house with dirty dishes in the sink, laundry that needs to be folded and kids that need a bath

Alley Jokes More Alley Jokes

What has holes in it, and travels down an alley?

Batman: my parents Riddler: no its a bowling ball! I-im so sorry!

What's the name of the Iraqi basketball team?

Alley-oop Akbar

America Jokes More America Jokes

Why can't America ever win a chess tournament?

Because they're missing two towers

How can we stop ISIS?

EUROPE: How can we save our economy AMERICA: What color is this dress!

Hurry Jokes More Hurry Jokes

Why did the French milkman have to hurry?

He was running lait

What's brownish and runs on oil?

Jesus in a hurry.

Olympic Jokes More Olympic Jokes

Why does Cinderella never win the Olympics?

She has a pumpkin for a coach and runs away from the ball.

Why doesn't Mexico ever do well in the Olympics?

Because every Mexican that can run, jump, or swim is already in America.

Problem Jokes More Problem Jokes

How is that a problem?

The man says, "I don't wake up until 10:30."

What do you call an orange elephant?

Call it whatever. It is not like it is gonna have a problem with that.

Jump Jokes More Jump Jokes

Why is it dangerous to go into the jungle between two and four in the afternoon?

That's when dinosaurs are jumping out of palm trees.

What do you call a leper in a jacuzzi?

Stew. Bonus: what do you do if an epileptic jumps into a jacuzzi? You throw in your laundry.

France Jokes More France Jokes

Why does lightning strike in France so often?

Because it follows the path of least resistance.

What do they call Miley Cyrus in France?

Kilometrey Cyrus.