Alien Jokes

What did the alien say to Franz Schubert?

Take me to your lieder!

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Why did the aliens choose to not invade and enslave the human race?

Because they're not garbage collectors.

What did the bartender say to the alien?

You're drunk ET, go home!

What do you call a fight between a Mexican and Jared Fogle?

Alien vs Predator.

Why are farmers so afraid of aliens?

Tractor beams.

How did the aliens hurt the farmer?

They trod on his corn.

What do you get if you cross an alien and a hot drink?

Gravi-tea!

What mustache can an alien not pull off?

A human chu

Why do aliens always disembark via ramp?

Do they have problems with stairs Or are flying saucers just handicap-accessible

What did the alien say when his flying saucer landed in a stud farm?

Take me to your breeder!

Why is it called "Alien vs Predator"?

Isn't predator an alien too They should've just called it "Some Aliens"

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How did the alien tie his shoes?

With an astroknot.

What did the aliens say, when they came to earth in search of soda pop?

Take me to your liter!

What Do You Call A Fight Between An Illegal Immigrant And A Child Molester?

Alien vs. Predator

What do you say to an alien with two heads?

Hello. Hello.

What if aliens are responsible for global warming?

And this is just their way of breaking the ice.

What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an alien?

A Mars-upial

What do you call an alien in a swamp?

A MARSHian

What do you call an alien from Austria?

Austalian

What is this alien looking thing in a wig trying to sing?

Oh wait thats Nicki Minaj. Why would an alien in a wig pick Nicki Minaj as a name

What do you get if you cross a student and an alien?

Something from another universe -ity!

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What did the alien say to the gas pump?

Don't you know its rude to stick your finger in your ear when I'm talking to you!

Why would an alien ever visit Roswell?

Fill in the blank or answer the question.

Why haven't we found aliens yet?

Because they are searching for intelligent life too.

How do aliens pay for their coffees?

With Starbucks!

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Wig Jokes More Wig Jokes

What kind of wig can hear?

An earwig!

What is this alien looking thing in a wig trying to sing?

Oh wait thats Nicki Minaj. Why would an alien in a wig pick Nicki Minaj as a name

Send Jokes More Send Jokes

Why doesn't NASA send cows to space?

Because the stakes would be too high.

What was the buffalo's last words to his teenager as he sent him off to college?

Bison

Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?

Here Kitty kitty kitty'!

What do you call a cat that torrents movies?

A copy cat.

Mexican Jokes More Mexican Jokes

Why don't Mexicans have barbeques?

The beans keep slipping through the grill.

What do you call a can made in Mexico?

A Mexican.

Human Jokes More Human Jokes

What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

1 in 50 million has a chance of becoming a human being.

What is the last thing a tossed salad says to itself before being devoured by a human?

Lettuce pray

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a guitar and an elevator?

I didn't expose myself inside a guitar this morning.

What's the difference between a $1000 used car and a Rolls-Royce?

One's a grand car and the other's a grand car

Invade Jokes More Invade Jokes

Why did Genghis invade China?

Because he khan.

What did Putin say to the U.S. and E.U. after invading Ukraine?

Crimea river

Lol Jokes More Lol Jokes

What even is that?

United States: Lol, we made it up.

What do you call someone who doesn't like The Simpsons?

A Homerphobe! LOL! Just made that up!