Body Jokes

A heart surgeon takes his Cadillac to his mechanic to get his engine fixed. When he returns a few days after to pick up the car, the mechanic calls him over to show him something. He says, "Okay Doc, I've changed the seals out and fixed everything up but I have one question. The engine is to the car as the heart is to the body. Why is it that you make some much more money than me?" The doctor examines the engine carefully and says, "try fixing it while the engine is running."

What do funeral home staff do if they mess up transporting a body?

They go back and re-herse.

Why do ostriches have long necks?

Because their heads are so far from their bodies!

How many Polish people does it take to be pallbearers at a funeral?

Seven. Six to carry the casket and one to drag the body

What body of water is used for writing?

The Apostrosea.

What do you get when you cross a border collie with a pit bull?

A dog that is smart enough to bury the bodies.

When you gonna be famous?

I tell her, 'As soon as they find the bodies.'

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How the hell did you get a body like that?

He asked. "Thanks," I said, "That's very flattering." He said, "Not really mate."

How many bodies do you have buried there?

My attempts at small talk.

What has five bodies and one soul?

A Kia full of Gingers.

What do parliament and Ukrainian skies have in common?

They're both raining bodies

Why is the most intelligent part of your body so intelligent?

Because it nose.

Why didn't the skeleton go for the Halloween party?

He had "No body " to go with.

What body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p, e, n, i, s?

Spine

What if they found the face of Jesus in a piece of toast but it was actually Jesus?

This is my body, I'm nice with jam.

Why does Skeleton Soup taste so poor?

It lacks body

What kind of body do you want to have?

ME: *leans in close* I'd prefer human

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What do I want to do to your body?

I don't know. Identify it, I guess.

How do you restore your body back to 'factory settings'?

Is it kale it's kale, isn't it please don't say kale.

What do you call a body in a morgue which hasn't been viewed by anyone yet?

Remains to be seen.

Why did the skeleton not attend prom?

He had no body to go with.

How have you got that body?

I said, "I don't know officer, I just opened the boot and there she was."

Why are you going through my phone?

BF: 'Do you have something to hide ' Me: 'I'm gonna have a body to hide if you keep it up.'

Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?

He had no-BODY to go with.

What is the name of the guy with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows.

Why wasn't the Achilles invited into the body?

Because it was already attendin'.

Why was the skeleton alone at prom?

Because he had no body to go with!

Why do Chihuahuas have such short necks?

Because their heads are so close to their bodies!

Why does our body absorb Strontium?

To make our bones stronger

What sort of soup do skeletons like?

One with plenty of body in it.

Why didn't the skeleton go to the concert?

He had no body to go with.

When will you be bioavailable?

Because you are my drug and I want you in my body...

Why are giraffe's necks so long?

Because their heads are so far away from their bodies!

What part of the body did the chiropractor fix when Eminem came in?

Shady's back*

Why didn't the skeleton like to dance?

Because he had no body to dance with!

What do you say to a naked pig?

I never sausage a body.

What has a head, a tail, and no body?

A coin!

Why is a ghost like an empty house?

Because there's no body there!

Why did it take so long to find the bodies of the black firefighters after the building they were in caught fire and collapsed?

Cause the building collapsed, duh.

What if we need to hide bodies?

Me: I love you.

What do you call it when a video game character gets hair on his body?

Q*berty. (my kids wrote this!)

Why did the Face of Bo go to the party by himself?

Because he had no body to go with.

Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?

He had no body to go with him! baD-dumB-tssssJOKE

Why did the hotel manager refuse to rent his rooms out to people?

He needed places to hide the bodies.

Why did the skull not want to go to prom, but still did?

He didn't have any *body* to go with But he still really wanted to bone.

Why are giraffe's heads so far away from their bodies?

Long necks.

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party?

He had no body to go with!

Why do Sumo Wrestler's shave their bodies?

So that they don't get mistaken for feminists

Why are giraffes' necks so long?

Because their heads are so far from their bodies.

What do you love most my natural beauty or my body?

Wife: Your sense of humor.

Who left these bodies here?

Get them back inside the camp!

Why didn't the ghost go to the dance party?

Because he had no-body to dance with.

What do Storm Troopers and Bone Thugs N Harmony have in common?

They are both going to miss every body.

What's the difference between a good friend and a really good friend?

A good friend will help you move house A really good friend will help you move a body!

Why do skeletons not go to the disco?

Because they got no body to dance with!

Why didn't the skeleton go to homecoming?

Because he had no body to go with

Which part of the body goes to heaven first?

A Kid replied: The legs... Because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING!!

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What's the difference between magic and black magic?

Black magic doesn't work.

What's the difference between Jared from Subway's gut and his junk?

He prefers his gut when it's down 45 pounds, and his junk when it's up 45 pounds.