How many times should you try starting your snowblower before you realize it's not going to start?

According to my neighbor it's 458 times.

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Start Jokes More Start Jokes

What's the proper procedure when witnessing someone having a seizure in a bathtub?

Sprint to your room, grab all the dirty clothes you can, and start saving money on laundry.

What do Amish people catch when they start using technology?

Mennonitis!

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

What do you call an actor who has given up civilized life and gone to live in the wilderness?

Will Feral. Edit: I tried

What were you doing?

Flashback to me trying to find the actual Hogwarts* "Grad school."

Accord Jokes More Accord Jokes

What colour is eight?

Purple (According to my 3 year old son)

How do librarians file melted marshmallows?

According to the Gooey Decimal System.

Realize Jokes More Realize Jokes

How many leftists does it take to change a lightbulb?

8,000 to protest against the broken lightbulb but 0 to realize it won't change anything.

What's WRONG with me?

I named 6 things before I realized it was a rhetorical question.

Neighbor Jokes More Neighbor Jokes

Why are you picking up rocks?

M: I'm starting a rock band. Neighbor walks away. That is how you get people to leave you alone.

What is she?

Me: A dog. Duh. Neighbor...

Snowblower Jokes More Snowblower Jokes

Why did the snowman pull down his pants?

Because he saw the snowblower coming

How do you turn a washing machine into a snowblower?

Give her a shovel.