How do you read the Gospel According to...

How can you tell if someone has a Jamaican accent?

They roll their J's.

What' the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef, but not everyone can pea soup. (As told by my 8yo, who made me laugh with a joke for the first time. Proud dad moment.)

Open Jokes More Open Jokes

What kind of key opens a casket?

A skeleton key.

Why is the door to heaven always open?

Because Jesus was born in a barn.

Bible Jokes More Bible Jokes

Who were the shortest people in the Bible?

Let's see. There'sKneehighmiah, Bildad the Shoe-Height...oh, and Peter, who said, "Silver andgold I have none," and no one could be much shorter than that.

When is the Bible accurate?

When it's thrown from a short distance.

Shrek Jokes More Shrek Jokes

Who is Shrek's favorite basketball player?

Shrekquille O'Neal I'm sorry

What does Shrek say when he wins a game of chess?

Shrekmate.

Gospel Jokes More Gospel Jokes

Which gospel contains Jesus' parable about the shades of numbers?

Math hue.

How do you read the Gospel According to Shrek?

Open your Bible to Psalm BODY ONCE TOLD ME

Read Jokes More Read Jokes

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity...

It's impossible to put down

Why didn't Hellen Keller learn to lip-read?

The braille left her lips numb.

Accord Jokes More Accord Jokes

How is Snow White?

Pretty good according to the 7 dwarfs

What colour is eight?

Purple (According to my 3 year old son)