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How do you read the Gospel According to Shrek?

Open your Bible to Psalm BODY ONCE TOLD ME

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Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you know if someone is an Alabama fan?

Oh don't worry, they'll tell you.

How many true friends do you believe you have?

Me: Define "true friend." Shrink: Someone you feel you can tell anything. Me: 11,419.

Open Jokes More Open Jokes

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?

I don't know he hasn't opened it yet.

What does an air conditioner have in common with a computer?

They both lose efficiency as soon as you open windows.

Bible Jokes More Bible Jokes

What's long and thick and turns conservative women on?

The Bible

Why do feminist hate the Bible?

Because it ends with A-men

Shrek Jokes More Shrek Jokes

What is Shrek's favorite book?

Don-key xote

How was the sound quality of Shrek's musical keyboard?

Nothing special, it was just MIDI-Ogre

Gospel Jokes More Gospel Jokes

Which gospel contains Jesus' parable about the shades of numbers?

Math hue.

How do you read the Gospel According to Shrek?

Open your Bible to Psalm BODY ONCE TOLD ME

Read Jokes More Read Jokes

What's a cats favorite thing to read?

A CATalog

How do you know which bear to talk to in a bar?

You have to read ursine.

Accord Jokes More Accord Jokes

What is ISIS's favorite smartphone?

Samsung Note 7, according to them it's "the bomb" nowadays.

What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?

A. Honda...because the apostles were all in one Accord.