Shrek Jokes

How do you read the Gospel According to Shrek?

Open your Bible to Psalm BODY ONCE TOLD ME

$Your Age Is Only Math$

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Who is Shrek's favorite basketball player?

Shrekquille O'Neal I'm sorry

What is Shrek's favorite book?

Don-key xote

What did Shrek say when the waiter dropped off his food at the German Restaurant?

Donkey!" (Danke) You gotta say it with the Shrek accent to work.

What does Shrek say when he wins a game of chess?

Shrekmate.

How was the sound quality of Shrek's musical keyboard?

Nothing special, it was just MIDI-Ogre

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Why are contortionists always angry?

Their work usually has them pretty bent out of shape.

What Would Beyonce Do?

Would she apply for a job Nope. She'd just show up one day like "I work here now."

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

Why did the Kenyans win the marathon?

They heard there was water at the end

What did the Japan team say after the first half of the Women's World Cup?

I, 4-1, know we won't win.

Read Jokes More Read Jokes

What is the scariest thing to read in braile?

Do not touch

Why did I stop reading M.C Escher books on the bus?

Because I always get weird stairs

Food Jokes More Food Jokes

Whole Foods ME: Hi CLERK: Hello ME: Do you...uh CLERK: Do we what?

ME: Do you have any...uh CLERK: Go on ME: Do you have any Half Foods

How does a barber avoid getting hair in his food?

By giving her a Brazilian wax first!

Don Jokes More Don Jokes

What is Shrek's favorite book?

Don-key xote

What is the head of an Italian dinosaur family called?

Ptera Don

Bible Jokes More Bible Jokes

Where do you find the Bible in a library?

Fiction".

Who is the richest person in the Bible?

The Pharao's daughter. She went to the bank of the Nile to pick up a little prophet.

Drop Jokes More Drop Jokes

How do you process a queue of table delete requests for an asynchronous database?

Pop, Lock & Drop It

Who dropped a wad of notes with an elastic band round them?

I did! Well here's the elastic band.

Danke Jokes More Danke Jokes

What does a Greek say when gets his salary?

Danke!

What do a German says when you show him a good meme?

Danke