Shrek Jokes

How do you read the Gospel According to Shrek?

Open your bible to Psalm BODY ONCE TOLD ME

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Who is Shrek's favorite basketball player?

Shrekquille O'Neal I'm sorry

What is Shrek's favorite book?

Don-key xote

What did Shrek say when the waiter dropped off his food at the German Restaurant?

Donkey!" (Danke) You gotta say it with the shrek accent to work.

What does Shrek say when he wins a game of chess?

Shrekmate.

How was the sound quality of Shrek's musical keyboard?

Nothing special, it was just MIDI-Ogre

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Work Jokes More Work Jokes

Why was the composer late for work?

He missed Debussy. I'll just leave.

What do you call a seamstress who makes things up?

A *fabric*ator. It was a slow day at work...

Danke Jokes More Danke Jokes

What kind of memes do Germans like?

Danke memes

What do you say when someone hands you a nice, ripe blunt in Germany?

Danke

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How can you tell the difference between normal and self-raising flour?

One has parents

How many times does a woman laugh after you tell her a joke?

Three. When you tell it to her, then when you explain it to her, and then when she gets it.

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

What would you do if you won the lottery?

Two friends meet together and one asks: What would you do if you won the lottery? -I would build a brothel! Oh, and if it went wrong and you loose money? -I'd open it to the public

Why can't Bernie Sanders win the election?

Because 12 year olds can't vote. Edit: I'm actually somewhat of a Bernie supporter, I'm just joking about how he has a lot of youth backing him.

Gospel Jokes More Gospel Jokes

How do you read the Gospel According to Shrek?

Open your bible to Psalm BODY ONCE TOLD ME

What is the difference between a black person and a tire?

The tire doesn't sing gospels when you put it in chains.

Chess Jokes More Chess Jokes

Why arent the americans playing chess?

They are missing two towers.

What do you call playing chess against yourself?

Chessturbation.

Food Jokes More Food Jokes

Why should I shave my downstairs?

Guy: Because I don't like hair in my food.

How Much Food did Soviet Ukraine Need in the Early 1930s?

A whole-lot-more

Accord Jokes More Accord Jokes

How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb?

None. According to Trump, they outsourced it to India & China.

What was the #1 summer blockbuster, according to Cat Fancy magazine?

Mad Manx: Furry Road