What does Shrek say when he wins a game of chess?

Shrekmate.

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Who would won in a wrestling match?

Lemmy or God? Trick question, lemmy is god... R.I.P. Edit* win not won damnit...

What do terrorists and the England football team have in common?

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Open your Bible to Psalm BODY ONCE TOLD ME

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Shrekquille O'Neal I'm sorry

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Why do Australians take forever to play chess?

Because they never make it past the first check, mate.

Why is the USA so bad at chess?

Because they are missing two towers.