Work Jokes

Son, if at first you don't succeed, Try Hard. If that doesn't work, Try Hard 2. If that still doesn't work, Try Hard with a Vengeance. Remember, you can't pick between the choice to Live Free or Try Hard. They go together. Everyday's A Good Day to Try Hard.

Why is Reddit full of liberals?

All the conservatives are out working.

Why didn't the feminist picnic work out?

Because they all refused to make sandwiches.

Why don't auto repair shops fix golf carts?

Because they work with parts for cars, not carts for pars.

Why do cows wear bells around their necks?

Because their horns don't work 8 year old brother just told me this joke, thought it belonged here

What do you call a veterinarian that can only work on one animal?

A doctor.

How do you greet a Rastafarian who's out of work?

Jahbless

How can working with cow hide help on a first date?

As if she's going to lay there and be swayed by some new buck.

Why are elevator jokes so funny?

Because they work on so many levels

What do fish talk about at work?

Current events

What does a pirate's beard feel like?

Corsair. (works better in a pirate accent)

Why couldn't the physicists change the lightbulb?

Too much work.

What does a chef and a gravitational wave astronomer have in common?

They both work in gastronomy

Why/How do bakers work?

They knead the dough.

Why did the number of parking tickets spike after Persephone was carried off to the underworld?

Because Demeter stopped working.

How much work does it take to send a packet across the internet?

20 Watts

How does the Addidas executive work through the night?

Three lines

How do mathematicians solve constipation?

They just work it out with a pencil!

Why did the crow go to the gym?

To work on his caw strength.

How is working in I.T. like being a wizard?

You command vast powers beyond the scope of smaller minds, but to them all you do is wiggle your fingers and stuff just happens.

What's the difference between Olive Garden and Reddit?

At Olive Garden the servers actually work.

Why are hairdressers never late for work?

Because they know all the short cuts!

How do you call sons of australians and germans?

Men at Work

How do you put a baby to sleep?

You rock them. What if it doesn't work? Use a bigger rock.

How do you call it, when the internet is not working in Germany?

InterNEIN

How do blondes carpool?

They meet up a work

What did the man say when he got his dancing robot to work?

It twerks!" I don't know how this came to me..

Why couldn't the Mexican work a wrench?

I don't know. Torqu?

What is your best casino joke?

I work in a casino and want to hear your best one. Here is mine: what's the difference between a canoe and a baccarat player? A canoe sometimes tips!

How does JokeExplainBot work?

Having all that trivial information must be a big distraction...

Why do engineers work out a lot?

They're obsessed with rigid bodies!

Why are elephants so poor?

Because they work for peanuts

What's the best benefit of working for ISIS?

Early retirement

Why are outdoor workers so in fit?

Cause they work out.

Why did the fire fighter call off work to spend time with his friend?

Because...bros before hose!

Why are the best accountants twins from Prague?

Because they always double Czech their work!

Why don't you see many chemists with master's degrees working with acids and bases?

To really understand acids and bases, you need a pHd.

Where does a digital photographer hang his work?

On a jpeg.

Why do people hit things (ex. TV, computer, etc.) when they don't work?

Well, it worked with the slaves.

Why did the student act crazy each time he worked on math homework?

He was on crystal math.

What's your favourite animal joke?

I give tours at a zoo. Each tour goes for a couple of hours so it is good to engage the guests and make the tour a bit more fun. What is your favourite animal joke I can use at work?

Why did the otter want to work at NASA?

So he could go to Otter Space.

Who reads the news AND makes coffee?

Katie Keurig. (I know the setup might need some work but I just like the punchline I made up.)

Why do push up bras not work for some girls?

Because 0x0 is always 0.

Why did the personal trainer break up with his girlfriend?

She just wasn't working out.

What do you call a relationship that never works out between guitarists?

No strings attached

What's black and does not work?

Decaf Coffee

Why Was The Canvas Maker Late Home From Work?

He had to close a sail

What would be the best color to make a joke about?

I was thinking black, but I'm not sure it would work?

What do you call fireworks that don't work?

Fireunemployed.

Why did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth?

He ate his pizza before it was cool. (Written anonymously in the bathroom at work, a pizza joint.)

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Work Jokes

What is it called when the police work overtime?

I Love Pizza & You

Which is the smallest profession? A mini cab driver or a micro biologist?

Whats black and isn't working?

How many Gordon Ramseys does it take to change a lightbulb?

What do you call a snake that works in the government?

What do you call a bell which doesn't do it's work?

What Is Bluetooth?

Why couldn't the physicist get his paper published?

What's the difference between my job and my boss's daughter?

Why did the man go to the doctor after taking his friend to work?

Why were Democrats in the lead early on?

Love

What did the constipated mathematician do?

What does a depressed girl do when she needs to get a lot of work done?

How does a road reply when you ask it how work is going?

Why did the people's phones stop working on the plane's that crashed into the twin towers?

Why are Aspirins and Paracetamol white?

How do people with injured hands commute to work?

Why do elephants wear green shoes?

Why did the relationship between two parallel lines never worked out?

How does a mathematician get rid of constipation?

Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What does a lawyer wear to work?

Why do cows have bells?

Why did the corn maze go back to school?

What's the difference between a camera and a foot?

How does the Asian chef get to work?

Why did Miss Piggy call in sick to work?

Why did Boba Fett work alone?

How do you get to a position of power in a science lab?

What did the sniper say to his wife when he came back from work?

Who do you call when your spacebar doesn't work?

Your Age Is Only Math

What do you call a sister who works for you?

Why does no work ever get done on the Sun?

Why did the surgeon refuse to dress for work?

How do you turn two colors that work into a rainbow that doesn't?

Why did the feminist refuse to work at the post office?

What did God say to the alcoholic spelling bee judge?

What do you call a vet that can only work on one animal?

Why should you work for a vegetable factory?

What drug does the lord use to get work done?

Why couldn't the Sailor steal other peoples work?

What do you call a Snake game that doesn't work?

What's similar between communists and communism?

What did the Middle Eastern dishwasher say when his boss asked him what he did all day at work?

How can you tell if a dictionary has been working out?

Why don't babies work?

What do you say when your GIF doesn't work?

Why wasn't Daredevil in Civil War?

Why is stormtrooper always late from work?

What did Bruce Willis say to motivate his son?