Why did the hipster burn his tongue?

Because he drank his coffee before it was cool.

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Tongue Jokes More Tongue Jokes

Which aardvark holds the speed record?

The nearsighted aardvark who wrapped his tongue around a motorcycle!

What does a 9 volt battery, and a pretty girls bumhole have in common?

People tell you not to, but you're still going to put your tongue on it.

Coffee Jokes More Coffee Jokes

Why are you in such a bad mood?

5-year-old: I haven't had my coffee. Me: You've never had coffee. 5-year-old: Exactly.

What is ISIS's favorite kind of coffee?

Decapitated

Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

What burns longer, a red or a green candle?

Neither, they both burn shorter.

What did the mom say to her son when he said he didn't want any of her flippin' pancakes?

Fine. They will just be burnt on one side.

Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

Which beer did the flower drink that made it realize that it was smarter when it was young?

Budweiser

What do teenage terrorists drink?

Smirnoff ISIS