Choice Jokes

What is the chupacabra's breakfast of choice?

Goatmeal.

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What did the cocaine addict say to his drug of choice?

I'm kinda busy, I won't be able to stay any longer, smell ya later" PS: the addict died that day from severe delusions that his coke was talking blanket, lot of coke....

What did Bruce Willis say to motivate his son?

Son, if at first you don't succeed, Try Hard. If that doesn't work, Try Hard 2. If that still doesn't work, Try Hard with a Vengeance. Remember, you can't pick between the choice to Live Free or Try Hard. They go together. Everyday's A Good Day to Try Hard.

What is a proctologist's drink of choice?

Two fingers of whiskey.

What's a bear's preferred weapon of choice?

A Grrrrrrrrrrrnade!

What's an MLG's smartphone of choice?

An HTC One M8.

How about that airline food?

They give you two choices but their always out of one.

What is the Dothraki font of choice?

Kaleebri

What is the media of choice for the mallard?

Lololololololol-- --lololololol

What is Bruce Lee's beverage of choice?

WATAAAAAR

What is a ducks drug of choice?

Quack.

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Why do they thank me in the cafeteria when I pay for my food like I had a choice?

Just tell me "enjoy the diarrhea" and I'll move along.

Why is it that New Jersey got all the toxic waste dumps and California got all the lawyers?

New Jersey had first choice.

When you have the choice between cleaning the bath or doing some sport... which series do you watch?

When does 2-1=0?

When you're talking about choices.

What are my choices?

He asked. "Yes or no," she replied.

What is a chefs weapon of choice?

A salt rifle

What is a Norweigan's compact car of choice?

A Fjord Fjocus.

What's the difference between "choice" and "choose?

Choice" is your ability to make decisions, "choose" are what Mexicans put on their feet.

What has 8 arms, is ominous looking and ink is its weapon of choice?

An octopus " "No Jeff, the answer is my wife's 4 divorce attorneys"

What is her Majesty the Queen's console of choice?

The Royal Wii.

$Your Age Is Only Math$

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Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

Why is she so loud?

Wife: That's how she talks. Apparently she speaks fluent pterodactyl.

What gets you hot, baby?

Me: mmm, talk to me in an accent. H: Zoinks, like, there's a ghost! Let's get out of here Scoob! M: *swoons*

Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

Why'd the factory worker hate their job?

Because it was soda pressing.

Why do hipsters hate ice skating?

They could never do it before it was cool

Ya Jokes More Ya Jokes

Why aren't cowboy jokes funny?

Ya herd one, ya herd em all.

What did the magician say to the cell?

Might I conjure Ya

Cocaine Addict Jokes More Cocaine Addict Jokes

What's the difference between a newspaper and a cocaine addict?

One has headlines, and the other gives head for lines.

What did the cocaine addict say to his drug of choice?

I'm kinda busy, I won't be able to stay any longer, smell ya later" PS: the addict died that day from severe delusions that his coke was talking blanket, lot of coke....

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What is the difference between the Leaning Tower of Pisa and the Twin Towers?

Better reflexes.

What's the difference between a pick-up artist and an Atari 2600?

An Atari 2600 has more game.

Succeed Jokes More Succeed Jokes

What did the sausage say when it couldn't log on to the Internet?

If at first you don't succeed Fry Fry again

What is the hamburgers' motto?

If at first you don't succeed fry fry again!

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

Why do artists die early in life?

Too many strokes.

Why was Jesus a virgin when he died?

Every time he touched a "wound" it closed.

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

Why did the bear start playing music when the priest tried to absolve him of his sins?

Because the priest said "Bear, atone" and the bear thought he said "baritone" as in "play the baritone sax now". The bear immediately started wailing away on the sax, rocking back and forth so hard he knocked over all the prayer candles and almost snapped his own spine. All the priest could do was ask the lord for the strength needed to get this bear into heaven.

Why did the husband bring his wife's sick dog to the salon?

He was trying to get her pedicure.