What is a proctologist's drink of choice?

Two fingers of whiskey.

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What did the booger say to the finger?

Pick on someone your own size.

Why is marriage like thin toilet paper?

Because you end up with a ring on your finger.

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What has 8 arms, is ominous looking and ink is its weapon of choice?

An octopus " "No Jeff, the answer is my wife's 4 divorce attorneys"

What's an MLG's smartphone of choice?

An HTC One M8.

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What does a cynical Irishman drink?

Whiskey sour

What is a proctologist's drink of choice?

Two fingers of whiskey.