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Accord Jokes

How do you read the Gospel According to Shrek?

Open your Bible to Psalm BODY ONCE TOLD ME

Love

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Love

What was the #1 summer blockbuster, according to Cat Fancy magazine?

Mad Manx: Furry Road

What colour is eight?

Purple (According to my 3 year old son)

What do you get when you wreck a Honda Accord into a Saturn Ion?

An Accordion....I'll, uh, see myself out.

Where is Jennifer's husband?

Jennifer is 21 years older than her son Douglas. 6 years from now, Jennifer will be 5 times as old as Douglas. Question: Where is Jennifer's husband? Solution: J=D+21 J+6=5(D+6) According to my math, Douglas has 3/4 years, which means -9 months. Pregnancy lasts for nine months, so Jennifer's husband is in the bed with her right now. Sauce:

How many reindeers does Santa Claus have?

Santa Claus has 10 reindeers according to the song.

How many times should you try starting your snowblower before you realize it's not going to start?

According to my neighbor it's 458 times.

How do librarians file melted marshmallows?

According to the Gooey Decimal System.

Who is your favorite President of China?

According to her it's Mao.

What is ISIS's favorite smartphone?

Samsung Note 7, according to them it's "the bomb" nowadays.

What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?

A. Honda...because the apostles were all in one Accord.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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Couple's Daily Question Mug

How is Snow White?

Pretty good according to the 7 dwarfs

What do you get when you cross a Mexican cholo and an ill tempered Irishman?

A surprisingly stable person according to my Homie O'Statis.

How Many Russians Does It Take To Invade Crimea?

None according to the Russians.

Why was Edward unable to get out of Russia?

Because he was Snowd en! (according to my friends this joke has been around for awhile, but I hadn't seen it yet, and wanted to share the goof)

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Son Jokes More Son Jokes

What did one priest say to the other priest?

Do you know where my son is " "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that I'm a necrophiliac."

What rhymes with 'boo' and really stinks?

You. Why I oughta...! Edit: Wow, thanks for all the love. My son is quite the character and he really caught me off guard with this!

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How can you tell if a person's a vegan?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

What did Miley Cyrus' dancing instructor tell her to do?

Hometwerk

Purple Jokes More Purple Jokes

What would you call oranges if they were purple?

Purples

What colour is eight?

Purple (According to my 3 year old son)

Song Jokes More Song Jokes

Why did the music critic compare the song to a foul-mouthed mixture of sand and wind?

Because it was Da-rude Sandstorm

What's the song that Coldplay wrote for you?

Yellow. *Phil answers phone*

Honda Jokes More Honda Jokes

What does HONDA stand for?

Hold On, Not Done Accelerating.

What's the most reliable thing about a Honda?

It's theft rate.

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

Why did the cop pull over the U-Haul truck?

He was trying to bust a move

What did David say when the tourist tried to touch him?

Don't touch my marbles.

Realize Jokes More Realize Jokes

Finally realized why my plant sits around doing nothing all day...

He loves his pot.

How do you know that you're a peaceful country?

When you realize that you can't spell country without UN.

Sauce Jokes More Sauce Jokes

How did worchestershire sauce get it's name?

Someone gave some to a cajun and he said "whus dis here sauce"

Why did the sauce need a night light?

Because he was alfredo the dark!