Accord Jokes

How do you read the Gospel According to Shrek?

Open your Bible to Psalm BODY ONCE TOLD ME

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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What was the #1 summer blockbuster, according to Cat Fancy magazine?

Mad Manx: Furry Road

What colour is eight?

Purple (According to my 3 year old son)

What do you get when you wreck a Honda Accord into a Saturn Ion?

An Accordion....I'll, uh, see myself out.

How many reindeers does Santa Claus have?

Santa Claus has 10 reindeers according to the song.

How many times should you try starting your snowblower before you realize it's not going to start?

According to my neighbor it's 458 times.

How do librarians file melted marshmallows?

According to the Gooey Decimal System.

Who is your favorite President of China?

According to her it's Mao.

What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?

A. Honda...because the apostles were all in one Accord.

How is Snow White?

Pretty good according to the 7 dwarfs

How Many Russians Does It Take To Invade Crimea?

None according to the Russians.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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Why was Edward unable to get out of Russia?

Because he was Snowd en! (according to my friends this joke has been around for awhile, but I hadn't seen it yet, and wanted to share the goof)

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10 Jokes More 10 Jokes

Where do Knights get their armour?

The hardware store. One I came up with when I was about 10.

Why are 1980 pennies worth more than 1979 pennies?

Dads joke) The same reason 10 pennies is worth more than 9.

21 Year Jokes More 21 Year Jokes

What's the longest time in which you haven't consumed alcohol?

My record is 21 years.

Gospel Jokes More Gospel Jokes

Which gospel contains Jesus' parable about the shades of numbers?

Math hue.

How do you read the Gospel According to Shrek?

Open your Bible to Psalm BODY ONCE TOLD ME

Month Jokes More Month Jokes

What did the lesbian-vampire say to her girlfriend?

See ya next month.

When is the month when the most trees fall?

Sep-timber

Accordion Jokes More Accordion Jokes

What's the difference between a chainsaw and an accordion?

A chainsaw can be tuned.

What's an accordion good for?

Learning how to fold a map.

Open Jokes More Open Jokes

What kind of key opens a casket?

A skeleton key.

Who's there! Czech! Czech who?

Czech before you open the door!

Song Jokes More Song Jokes

What song can never be played on #throwback Thursday?

Friday by Rebecca Black

What song do pigs sing on New Year's Eve?

Auld Lang Swine.

Read Jokes More Read Jokes

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity...

It's impossible to put down

What 8 letter word is read the same way backwards and forwards?

Dyslexia