Realize Jokes

You take the letter "f" out of the word "way" (there's no f in way) *joke works best when the person being asked the question has to think about it for some time and says the phrase themselves without realizing what they said

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What's your favorite joke appropriate for a 6-8 year old?

I am a ski instructor and I've recently been teaching these two boys who are 6 and 8 year old brothers. I realized today that I know zero jokes appropriate enough or funny to this demographic. I feel like they think I am super boring. Give me some help to make the chairlift more exciting!!

What do you have when you just used the toilet and realized there's no toilet paper?

A real mess on your hands.

What's WRONG with me?

I named 6 things before I realized it was a rhetorical question.

How many times should you try starting your snowblower before you realize it's not going to start?

According to my neighbor it's 458 times.

What sign did the mother put up in her neighbourhood when she realized her child's IQ was below average?

SLOW CHILDREN PLAYING

What did the one explorer say to the other when they arrived in Northern Canada?

Eh, you take this one. I don't want Nunavut. PS: I realize it's a double negative.

How many leftists does it take to change a lightbulb?

8,000 to protest against the broken lightbulb but 0 to realize it won't change anything.

How's your love life?

Well, I went on a date. 45 minutes in I realized it was a turtle in a wig. "I'm sorry man" it's ok. still got laid.

Why'd the guy panic and call 911 when he realized an ocean was forming around him?

It was an emergent sea.

What did Ghost A say to Ghost B?

Nothing because ghosts don't exist. Edit:Holy crap I just realized I didn't post this on /r/antijokes.

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Why did the janitor take early retirement?

Because he realized that grime doesn't pay.

What's the worst part about making out with a perfect 10?

The cold feeling on your lips when you realize you're kissing the mirror

What's worse than fighting an uphill battle?

Getting to the top and realizing it's all downhill from there.

What's the worst thing about Fridays?

Realizing it's only Tuesday.

Why did the guy cut a hole in his carpet?

He wanted to watch the floor show. And why did he cover it back up...He realized that he didn't want to watch the "hole" show.

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it's half empty.

Finally realized why my plant sits around doing nothing all day...

He loves his pot.

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Note Jokes More Note Jokes

How are you dealing with not writing any of the songs?

He responds, "One note at a time."

Why did the Muslim take his Note 7 onto an airplane?

Do I really have to answer that Who doesn't bring their phone with them when they travel

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

What do Trees and Dogs have in common?

Bark.

Why did they plant trees in Harlem?

Public transportation.

Miss Jokes More Miss Jokes

Why can't a storm trooper get a girl pregnant?

Because they always miss their target!

Why arent the Americans playing chess?

They are missing two towers.

Decide Jokes More Decide Jokes

Why "hooters"?

Who decided breasts looked like owls They were wrong.

What do you mean he's your half son?

What do you mean what do I mean?" replied the man. He went on to explain "My son has half my genes, that makes him my half-son." The woman he was talking to decided he was crazy and without replying walked past him. She looked back and noticed his neck was red, after all it was a sunny day.

Repost Jokes More Repost Jokes

What did the police officer say to stop the depressed man from jumping off the bridge?

You have potential. Sorry if this is a repost, just thought of it now.

How many r/jokes redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answer is 2. One to change the lightbulb while the other screams "REPOST"

Drug Addict Jokes More Drug Addict Jokes

What do you call a drug addict who has been awake for 14 days straight?

A "two-weeker"

What is a drug addicts favorite snack?

Crack-ers

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

Why is it called Justice League of America?

Do they follow territorial boundaries? If the Kaos Kommandos start a brawl in El Paso and it rolls over into Juarez, do they say "screw it, let Justice League of Mexico handle it"? (Sorry if this isn't technically a joke; it was my shower thought this morning and I thought it was funny.)

Realize Jokes

Why was Amazon angry after their conference with Samsung?

We've Got This Love Thing Down

How do you know that you're a peaceful country?

What's worse than being stuck in traffic behind a driver that's vaping?

How do you know when you are a drug addict?

Which beer did the flower drink that made it realize that it was smarter when it was young?

Why did the watermelon and the honeydew decide to cancel their spontaneous wedding in Las Vegas?

What did the commander say when she realized that she had left Matt Damon on Mars?

How do you know when you're too drunk to drive?

What did the man who invented the bum shaking machine realize when he turned it on?

What did the man say when he realized the boy who asked him out was an orphan?

How do you fit 50 elephants into a subway station?