Japanese Jokes

What did the Japanese soda say to Papa John after he crashed his car?

I'm really sodie pop.

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How do Japanese Chihuahuas say 'Hello'?

Konichihuahua

What do Japanese people say after a Thanksgiving prayer?

Ra'men.

What do Japanese people do when they have erections?

Vote!

What do Japanese Kids, Chinese Democracy and German Humor have in common?

All are equally oxymoronic.

What do you call the study of Japanese sound?

Yakuztics

What is "YEAH" in Japanese?

HAEY, obviously.

What do you call a Japanese Cougar with exceptional taste?

Umami

What do Japanese people do during an erection?

They go to the polls and vote.

Why are foodfights forbidden in Japanese schools?

The children always end up with lice in their hair.

Why do Democrats like to play Pokemon?

They've always enjoyed rounding up Japanese monsters.

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What is Shaka's favorite Japanese food?

Shakitori!

Where did the little Japanese girl go when the little boy dropped by?

Everywhere.

What do you call a half Mexican half Japanese jedi master?

Obi Juan Shinobi

What does it sounds like when a Japanese Homer Simpson forgets how to count to 11?

Nin, ten, "....I'll leave now.

Why do the Japanese have squinty eyes?

Becuase atomic bombs are bright.

What did the Japanese chef say when his mother died?

Well, that's the edamame.

What does an excited Japanese horse say?

Oshio des neighhhhh

What do you call a Japanese pirate?

J-Peg.

Why does Jesus like Japanese food?

Because he loves miso

Where do the Japanese store defective mannequin feet?

In bent-toe boxes.

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What do the Japanese call a large apartment?

An itssoroomy.

What did the salmon say to his shy Japanese girlfriend?

Don't be koi.

What did one Japanese man say to the other?

I'm not quite sure. I only took one year of Japanese in high school.

How do Japanese people ask for rice?

Samurais?

How many tickles does it take to make a Japanese girl laugh?

Ten Tickles

What does a Japanese chef shout in bed?

Ooo mami! (Umami)

What the Japanese version of mission impossible?

Miso impossible

Why do Japanese people have slanty eyes?

Atomic bombs are realllllly bright.

What do Japanese emperors and rappers have in common?

They're both wondering where their ninjas are at.

How do Japanese people refer to American politicians?

Parti-san

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What kind of car does a Japanese chef drive?

Rolls Rice

What do you call a Japanese Halloween Cake?

Bookkake

Why did the Japanese funeral home have to turn away new business?

They ran out of san storage

How do you tell a Japanese girl you're breaking up with her?

You drop it on her twice.

What's Beethoven's favorite favorite Japanese weapon?

Ka-ta-na-na!

What sport do Japanese people watch?

Desuball

What type of pants do Japanese people wear?

Nihon-jeans (Nihon-jin)

Why was the Japanese man so careful when walking in his house?

It was made of pranks.

Which US state is friendliest toward the Japanese?

Ohio

What sound does a Japanese camera make?

Crick

How do you know Jesus loves Japanese food?

Because he said he loves miso.

What is Snoopy's favorite Japanese dish?

Snushi.

What does a Japanese man do when there's an erection?

He votes!

Who is Ed McMahon's favorite Japanese Filmmaker?

Hiyooooo Miyazaki.

Who's the founder of the Japanese Wikipedia?

Yojimbo Wales! (Joke stolen from co-worker)

What do you call a group of Japanese people running up a hill?

Tsunami Warning

What do a coffee shop and a Japanese castle siege have in common?

Baristas

What did the Japanese General say to his kamikaze trainee?

Despite what everyone tells you, you'll never learn from your mistakes.

Why couldn't the Japanese guy see his car?

Because he had a cataract!

What did the Japanese Journey covers band sing at the funeral?

Don't stop, bereaving!

What did the Japanese man say when he jumped out of Office Depot?

SUPPLIES!!!

What do you call a group of people addicted to Japanese drugs?

We abuse

What does a Japanese guy name his pet lion?

Ryan

What do you call the Japanese police force?

Kawaii Five-0

What did The Hobbit say to the Japanese man as he was leaving?

Shirenara!

Why aren't Japanese optimistic?

Because not every cloud has a silver lining

What do you call a Pho restaurant run by 9 Japanese chefs?

Pho Kyuu EDIT: No one understands how to pronounce "Pho".;;

What do you get if you take the red circle off a Japanese flag?

The French flag.

What's a Japanese person's hangover cure?

Soba Noodles

What do you call a fashionable Japanese warrior?

Glamurai

What if Lady Gaga was half Irish, half Japanese?

Rady O'Gaga

What did the Japanese stoner say?

Toke yo

What do you call someone obsessed with Japanese food?

A weeafood

Why did the Japanese guy get mad and kick the mushroom?

He was sick of all its shiitake.

What food do Japanese people serve as an apology when they have offended someone?

Miso sorry...

How do you say 'Toilet' in Japanese?

Dump-ring.

Whats worse than having to break up with your Japanese girlfriend for the first time?

Her not hearing you, so you drop the bomb a 2nd time.

How many tickles does a Japanese school girl want?

Tentickles.

What does a Japanese girl ride?

Niisan.

When do spare parts from Japanese cars start falling out of the sky?

When it's raining Datsun cogs.

What Job will Mr Miyagi take on when he retires from Martial Arts?

Plastic Surgeon. Japanese accent "Rax on, Rax off"

What do you get when you combine two Japanese demons?

A two-eyed onion.

Why are Japanese people all skinny?

Because of their national diet.

What did the Japanese chef do after he dishonored the emperor?

Commit sushi

Which US state is the friendliest towards the Japanese?

Ohio

What piece of clothing is made overseas in an Asia country?

Japanese

Why do Japanese people squint?

Nuclear explosions are bright

Why did your sister refuse the gift of a Japanese car?

Because she'd never be able to learn the language

What do all Japanese Airmen wear eye patches?

Because they're pirots!

What are the loud, metal things that the Japanese hit?

American ships.

What do you call an alcohol free Japanese city?

Nadasaki

What did the Japanese buck say to the doe he was courting?

OC I don't know how to put this but...I'm kind of a big deer.

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Break Jokes More Break Jokes

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

I don't know. It kept breaking my guitar strings so I gave up.

How many economists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know. They just keep going on and on about how the last one broke.

Year Jokes More Year Jokes

What do women and linoleum have in common?

If you lay them just right you can walk on them for years.

What did Matthew McConaughey say when he saw this year's Oscar nominees?

All white, all white, all whiiiiiiiite...

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

What was the car doing in the dressing room?

Changing attire.

What do a car, a bus, and a family have in common?

The car and the bus both have wheels.

Japanese Girl Jokes More Japanese Girl Jokes

How do you tell a Japanese girl you're breaking up with her?

You drop it on her twice.

What is the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb twice.

Bad Jokes More Bad Jokes

Why are these Facebook status updates so much more interesting than usual?

Oh, because this isn't Facebook - it's a mattress label. My bad.

Whats the worst part about a black out in Detroit?

All the pairs of floating eyes

Cougar Jokes More Cougar Jokes

What did the Pope say when a cougar crossed his path?

Oh my gosh I almost Puma pants.

How does a cougar obtain the perfect tan?

She uses a perfect son.

Konnichihuahua Jokes More Konnichihuahua Jokes

How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?

Konnichihuahua

How do Mexican dogs say "hello" when in Japan?

Konnichihuahua

Konichihuahua Jokes More Konichihuahua Jokes

How do Japanese Chihuahuas say 'Hello'?

Konichihuahua

How does a Japanese chihuahua say hello?

Konichihuahua