What Einstein say when someone tried to take his beer?

Nein! Mein Stein!....sorry

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How does a sloth hang itself?

By trying to jump rope.

What's it called when you try not to get knocked unconscious by a Taser?

Resisting a rest.

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What's he like?

Asked the police officer sympathetically. The boy replied, "Beer and women."

Why was the piano invented?

So that the musician would have a place to put their beer.

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How many Einsteins does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Relatively few

How did Einstein prove you can break the law of relativity?

He married his cousin.