What Einstein say when someone tried to take his beer?

Nein! Mein Stein!....sorry

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What would you call the Islamic State if they tried to take over Antarctica?

Ice-is

What type of objects do not accelerate, regardless of the force applied?

Letterhead and envelopes. No matter how hard you try, they remain stationery!

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What does Moses do when he wants a beer?

He brews!

What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?

You can spill your beer on a fiddle.

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Why did Einstein refuse to help people fix their cars?

Because his colleagues would call him the Quantum Mechanic.

What did Einstein say when he was pulled over for speeding?

Speed is relative, officer.