How do you know when you're too drunk to drive?

When you swerve to miss a tree and realize it was your air freshener

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Miss Jokes More Miss Jokes

What do you call a skank playing "H.O.R.S.E?

She missed two shots, so she's a ho. I'll leave now.

What did the sniper say to his wife when he came back from work?

I missed you

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How do locomotives know where they're going?

Lots of training.

Why should you hire a drag queen to help clean your garage?

They know how to tuck away junk.

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

Why did the Amish woman divorce her husband?

Because he was driving her buggy.

What is the difference between St. Patrick and Christopher Columbus?

One drove all the snakes from Ireland, the other drove away all of the Native Americans.

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

What falls down faster from a tree, a leaf or an emo?

A leaf. The rope catches the emo.

What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?

Branch manager.

Realize Jokes More Realize Jokes

What did the man who invented the bum shaking machine realize when he turned it on?

It twerked.

What did the one explorer say to the other when they arrived in Northern Canada?

Eh, you take this one. I don't want Nunavut. PS: I realize it's a double negative.

Air Jokes More Air Jokes

Whats green and flys through the air?

Super Pickle

Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?

Because so many witches are sweeping the sky.

Swerve Jokes More Swerve Jokes

What kind of vehicle swerved to miss a talking lizard in the road?

Dodged-a-Rango

What does a drunk police officer do?

Protect and swerve.

Freshen Jokes More Freshen Jokes

How do you know when you're too drunk to drive?

When you swerve to miss a tree and realize it was your air freshener

How does a scientist freshen their breath?

With experi-mints!