How do you know when you're too drunk to drive?

When you swerve to miss a tree and realize it was your air freshener

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Miss Jokes More Miss Jokes

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100?

At 69 she always gets a frog in her throat.

Why is the USA so bad at chess?

Because they are missing two towers.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What do you call someone in the army that knows the capital of every country on earth?

General Knowledge

How do you know if a guy was in the Navy SEALs?

Don't worry, he'll tell you.

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

What car do polite cowboys drive?

Audi!

What cars do wolves drive?

Auuuuuuuuuuuuudis!

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

Why did the koala fall out of the tree?

It was dead.

How did the pollock die raking leaves?

He fell out of the tree.

Realize Jokes More Realize Jokes

What did Ghost A say to Ghost B?

Nothing because ghosts don't exist. Edit:Holy crap I just realized I didn't post this on /r/antijokes.

What did the commander say when she realized that she had left Matt Damon on Mars?

I have left my Mark on Mars

Air Jokes More Air Jokes

What does it mean when a man is in your bed, gasping for air, and calling your name?

You didn't hold down the pillow for long enough.

What lies on its back 100 feet in the air?

A centipede

Swerve Jokes More Swerve Jokes

What kind of vehicle swerved to miss a talking lizard in the road?

Dodged-a-Rango

What does a drunk police officer do?

Protect and swerve.

Freshen Jokes More Freshen Jokes

How does a scientist freshen their breath?

With experi-mints!

How do you know when you're too drunk to drive?

When you swerve to miss a tree and realize it was your air freshener