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How do you know when you're too drunk to drive?

When you swerve to miss a tree and realize it was your air freshener

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Miss Jokes More Miss Jokes

What do you do if King Kong sits in front of you at the cinema?

Miss most of the film!

Where are the posters?

WIFE: THEY JUST DISAPPEARED! In other room *cat is furiously stuffing missing dog posters into paper shredder*

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How does a blind skydiver know the ground is near?

The leash goes slack.

What's the difference between your finger and a hammer?

I don't know! Well you're not using my computer keyboard then!

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

What can hunger do that a woman simply can't?

Drive me to the grocery store.

When you are driving though the field in Texas, you see a lot of cattle. They are very special. Wanna know why?

They are out standing in the field

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

What did you hear about the tree who was in love?

He pined everyday.

What do trees take when they have a headache?

Aleve.

Realize Jokes More Realize Jokes

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it's half empty.

What did the starfish say when it realized that it lost it's ability to regenerate limbs?

I can't remember.

Air Jokes More Air Jokes

What lies on the ground 100 feet up in the air and smells?

A dead centipede.

What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?

A seahorse!

Swerve Jokes More Swerve Jokes

What do you call a doe that swerves all over the road?

A rackless driver...

What does a drunk police officer do?

Protect and swerve.

Freshen Jokes More Freshen Jokes

How does a scientist freshen their breath?

With experi-mints!

How do you know when you're too drunk to drive?

When you swerve to miss a tree and realize it was your air freshener