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How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it's half empty.

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Bag Jokes More Bag Jokes

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a small child?

Eric Clapton would never let a small bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

What do you call a bag that never approaches anything?

An asymp-tote*

Open Jokes More Open Jokes

Why doesn't an old man ever go down on his old wife?

Ever opened a grilled-cheese sandwich?

What kind of bird opens doors?

A kiwi!

Push Jokes More Push Jokes

What did the poop said to the other poop?

Poop: Please don't push. It's already tight in here! Poop to Pee: May I go first? Meanwhile, Fart pushing everyone to the sides.. Fart: Excuse me! Excuse me! I need to go!

Why did the wheelchair-bound girlfriend break up with her boyfriend?

He kept pushing her around.

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

Why is Jesus never able to finish more than half of a crossword puzzle?

He always gets stuck on across.

What do you call a German barber?

Herr Kutz (This was funnier when I was half asleep this morning)

Realize Jokes More Realize Jokes

How do you know when you are a drug addict?

When you realize that you have had 2 strepsils within one hour.

How many leftists does it take to change a lightbulb?

8,000 to protest against the broken lightbulb but 0 to realize it won't change anything.

Chip Jokes More Chip Jokes

How do you chip thin ice off a window?

You bust a rime.

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it's half empty.