Isis Jokes

What do "fake news" and isis have in common?

They're blowing up everyone's newsfeed

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Why did ISIS leader bring a car-door to the desert?

So he could roll down the window when it gets too hot. How we joke in Kurdistan

What's the difference between a school and an ISIS training camp?

I don't know, i just fly the drone

What do you call a former member of ISIS?

WASWAS

What did the ISIS leader gift to all his followers?

The Samsung Note 7

Why does ISIS like sheep?

Is-Lamb!

What's ISIS favourite meal?

Turkey! Its the bomb!

Where do ISIS fighters go to purchase soda and candy?

Allahu snackbar!

How does ISIS cool down in the summer time?

In a blow up pool

What do you call ISIS after it has been completely destroyed?

WASWAS!

What does the ISIS member say about telling good jokes?

It's all in the execution.

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What does ISIS call wine snobs?

Zinfandels!!!!!!

What will be on the Denny's Menu when ISIS takes over?

The Grand I-slam

What's frozen water and dangerous?

ISIS

What's ISIS's favourite band?

Koran Koran.

Which cable provider offers ISIS 24/7 support?

Daesh Network

What do you call it when ISIS soldiers run for cover?

100 meter Daesh

What do you call a camera mounted on a ISIS-truck?

A daeshcam

What's the difference between the ISIS headquarters and a kindergarten?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.

What will ISIS be called once it is destroyed?

WasWas

Why shouldn't ISIS be destroying ancient Mesopotamian buildings?

Because it's frowned upon in Islam to smoke ziggurats.

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What's the best benefit of working for ISIS?

Early retirement

Why doesn't ISIS appear in any Sci-Fi shows or movies?

Because they are set in the future.

Whats the difference between a Doctors Without Borders hospital and ISIS?

How would I know, Im just a US Air Force Operator.

What is ISIS' favourite OS?

Windows XPlosion

What does the ISIS donkey say?

Jihaaaad

What's ISIS's favorite Country Band?

Allahbama

How do you stop ISIS?

Leave some milk in the sun for a few days.

Why is ISIS so good at sports?

Even in high-intensity games they always manage to execute

How does someone stop ISIS?

Change their name to past tense, WASWAS.

What do the leaders of ISIS drink after a victory?

Bombay.

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Why does the U.S. Government hate winter?

Because everything isis

What's the difference between parents who don't vaccinate their children and ISIS?

One is a group made up of radicals with extremist views. And the other group is ISIS.

What do you get when you put human DNA in a goat?

ISIS

What does the CEO of Keurig have in common with ISIS?

They both hate the French press

What's the difference between a civilian camp and an ISIS base?

I don't know I just fly the drones

What do you call a condensed version of the history of ISIS?

CaliphNotes!

Why does ISIS only drink drip coffee?

Because they hate French Press!

What would you call a Chinese based arm of Isis?

Ricesis

How do you tell a joke about ISIS?

It's all about the execution

What's the the key to telling an ISIS joke?

The execution.

What's the difference between a School and an ISIS training ground?

I don't know man, I just fly the drone

What did one ISIS member say to another?

IED mubarak..

What is ISIS's favorite type of text?

Is the answer: A: Heading B: Heading C: Heading

What did the recent Sunni convert says about ISIS?

They really scared the Shiite outa me!

Whats the ISIS members' astrological sign?

Sad terrorist

What is ISIS' favourite file type?

Exe

What did the pirate tell his littler sister when she asked if she could hold his parrot?

ISIS

What do ISIS want for Christmas?

Turkey, apparently.

How do you tell the difference between a Syrian hospital and an ISIS military base?

I don't know either, Johnny, just fly the drone.

How can we stop ISIS?

EUROPE: How can we save our economy AMERICA: What color is this dress!

What do Congressional Republicans and ISIS in Afghanistan have in common?

Their first act since arriving was to go after the elderly.

Why do ISIS fighters only drink instant coffee?

Because they hate the French Press. (This joke used to be more topical)

What do Vegans, ISIS and Feminists have in common?

None of them like pork.

What do the Russians use to film their war with Isis?

Daeshcams

Why is there so much tension in Iraq?

They Haven't Broke the Isis yet.

What is ISIS's favorite smartphone?

Samsung Note 7, according to them it's "the bomb" nowadays.

Why do ISIS fighters avoid Montreal restaurants?

Because they serve Poutine.

What did one ISIS militant teacher say to their most successful student?

You da bomb.

How do you tell the difference between members of the GOP and ISIS?

Skin color.

How does ISIS listen to its favourite tunes?

On a boombox.

What's the difference between children and Isis?

Drones can't tell either

What is ISIS's favorite candy bar?

Allahu Snackbar, it's flavor is explosive.

Why does ISIS call camels "Ships of the Desert"?

Because they are full of ISIS seamen.

What's a member of ISIS's favorite game?

Mario Kart: Double Daesh!!

What's ISIS' favorite kind of discount?

Blowouts

What's colder than ice cream?

ISIS

What's the difference between an ISIS training camp and an elementary school?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.

What's the difference between the UN and ISIS?

The pension package.

What the difference between a ISIS member and a child?

I don't know, I just fly the drones.

Why did ISIS burn 10000 copies of "Dark Side Of The Moon"?

Because it's a terrible album.

What satellite TV provider does ISIS use?

Daesh Network

What do you call an extremist group of water at 0 Degrees Celsius?

ISIS

Why did the surfer join ISIS?

Because he was totally radical! EDIT: I guess this didn't blow up.

Why did the terrorist buy himself a Porsche?

He was going through a midlife ISIS

Why are ISIS fighters afraid to join the TEA Party?

They're afraid they'll be audited by the IRS.

What did Muhammad Ali tell ISIS?

IsIs Pretty soon y'all gonna be WasWas!

What kind of wine does ISIS drink?

White Infidel.

What's the most important part of an ISIS joke?

The execution.

What is ISIS's favorite kind of coffee?

Decapitated

What is ISIS?

They are Radical!!! Please don't hurt me....

What do ISIS and anime fans have in common?

They both get hot and bothered over cartoons.

What did ISIS say after the terrorist attack?

Nice

Why doesn't ISIS Like School?

Because they always bombed their tests.

Why does ISIS drink instant coffee?

Because they hate French press!

Why is ISIS going after programs?

Because they are executable

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How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time."

Which Star Trek character is a member of the magic circle?

Jean-Luc Pickacard

Invade Jokes More Invade Jokes

How do the Russians invade the Ukraine?

They rush in.

What do you call a group of invading pirates?

An **Arrr**my

Window Jokes More Window Jokes

What does my girlfriend and Windows 8 have in common?

They are both 8........

What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a four year old?

Eric Clapton wouldn't drop a bag of cocaine out the window

Child Jokes More Child Jokes

What game did the dentist play when she was a child?

Caps and robbers

Why do teachers use a bamboo cane?

Because when the cane goes 'bam' the child goes boo!

Parent Jokes More Parent Jokes

What has holes in it, and travels down an alley?

Batman: my parents Riddler: no its a bowling ball! I-im so sorry!

What's another name for an parent?

Someone who's stopped growing except around the waist.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What would Hillary tell Bill when she will sit at the Oval Office?

Close, Bill, but no cigar!

How can you tell God is a man?

If God was a woman sperm would taste like chocolate

Bring Jokes More Bring Jokes

Why didn't the melons get married in Vegas?

Because they cantaloupe. This joke was brought to you by Dads inc.

What do May Flowers Bring?

Pilgrims.

Drone Jokes More Drone Jokes

What's the difference between a terrorist and a civilian?

I don't know man, I just fly the drones.

Why did the queen bee kick out all of the other bees?

Because they kept droning on and on!