Land Jokes

CNN shows the missiles taking off and Al-Jazeera shows them landing. (Not mine, just heard it on the Jimmy Dore show) also "My favorite indie band is Palestinian. I think they're really going to blow up."

Why you cannot think of landing a job or business without internet?

No connection

What is a Nuclear Physicist's favorite Genesis song?

Land of Cold-Fusion".

How can you tell if a cat is blonde?

No matter what height you drop it from it always lands on its head.

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Who's there! Athena! Athena who?

Athena reindeer landing on your roof!

What's the oldest red wine in America?

Give us back our land!

Which way will it fall?

If a rooster lays an egg on a pointed roof, which way will it land Roosters don't lay eggs

What did the alien say when his flying saucer landed in a stud farm?

Take me to your breeder!

What's Peter Pan's brother's name?

Peter Pot. He gets so high he never lands.

What did the pigeon say after its friend landed a sick flip?

Coo.

What's the difference between New York City and the Land of Mordor?

Two Towers.

Why are sailors so impatient when they get on land?

Because they're tired of waiting in the rhumb line.

What is the oldest red wine?

They took our Land!

What lands as often on its tail as it does its head?

A penny.

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How do you know that a plane from the UK has landed?

An hour after its landed its still whining.

What are you doing here?

I just got fired from the circus "Oh my" Yeah, the calibration on my cannon was way off. I landed in your pond

What does a dancing piece of land in the middle of nowhere?

Plot twisting!

Why is Peter Pan always flying around?

Because he can never never land

Why did the 2 contractors hire a pilot to help survey their land?

Because they really wanted a third's eye view!

What's North America's most famous red wine?

Give back our land!

What does a cat say when it lands on it's back?

Me. Ow.

Why do scuba divers fall off the boat backwards?

Because is they fell forward they'd land in the boat.

What happened when the icicle landed on the sowmman's head?

It knocked him cold.

How does a Range Rover Evoque look after landing on it's roof?

Exactly the same.

What did the pig do when a beetle landed in his feed trough?

He ate it quickly before the others could ask him to share.

Who is the most cowardly knight in all the land?

Sir Ender

What lands first?

The leaf, a rope stopped the emo.

What did the Mexican-American say when two houses landed on him?

Get off me holmes!

What would you call Neil Armstrong had he burnt up in the atmosphere returning to earth instead of landing safely?

An unfortu-naut... God that was horrible....

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Settle Jokes More Settle Jokes

Why do Native Americans hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land

What is a dad joke?

Punchlines that got married and settled down.

Invade Jokes More Invade Jokes

How Many Russians Does It Take To Invade Crimea?

None according to the Russians.

Why did the aliens choose to not invade and enslave the human race?

Because they're not garbage collectors.

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, dyslexic, and an agnostic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

Why do spies never use capitalization?

They like to stay low-key.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

Whats the difference between Iron Man and iron woman?

One is a superhero the other is a simple instruction

Whats the difference between a black man and Batman?

Batman can go to a store without robin.

Evict Jokes More Evict Jokes

What did the yoga teacher say to her land lord when he tried to evict her?

Nah Imma stay

What does a monk say when you evict him?

Namaste

Red Jokes More Red Jokes

What's the difference in red and purple...?

How hard you squeeze it.

What's Black White And Red All Over?

A Police Shootout

Whine Jokes More Whine Jokes

What's the difference between a singer-songwriter and a puppy?

A puppy eventually grows up and stops whining. Thanks to PuddinHead742 for this one.

What's the difference between a Pilot and a jet engine?

A jet engine stops whining after it lands

Pilot Jokes More Pilot Jokes

Why did the pilot hit the Alps?

To get to the other side.

What kind of pizza do pilots like?

Plain.

Land Jokes

Why is the ocean so salty?

We've Got This Love Thing Down

Why do Native Americans hate snow?

Why is the sea salty?

How do you stop the government from making a pipeline across your land?

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off the boat?

What's the difference between a Pilot and a jet engine?

What happend to Tommen Baratheon?

Why do SCUBA divers fall backwards out of boats?

What happens when you sing a country music song backwards?

What was the first thing the stowaway to Mars said after he landed?

What's the fastest thing on land?

Love

Why did the Native American curse the snow?

What did the pints say upon landing on Planet Metric?

What's the difference between CNN and Al Jazeera?

What do you call a reptiloid that crashed landed its spaceship?

What do you call the king of the jungle in the land down under?

Who lands first?

What's the difference between CNN and Al-Jazeera?

Why you cannot think of landing a job or business without internet?

What is a Nuclear Physicist's favorite Genesis song?

How can you tell if a cat is blonde?

Love Card

Who's there! Athena! Athena who?

What's the oldest red wine in America?

Which way will it fall?

What did the alien say when his flying saucer landed in a stud farm?

What's Peter Pan's brother's name?

What did the pigeon say after its friend landed a sick flip?

What's the difference between New York City and the Land of Mordor?

Why are sailors so impatient when they get on land?

What is the oldest red wine?

What lands as often on its tail as it does its head?

Couple's Daily Question Mug

How do you know that a plane from the UK has landed?

What are you doing here?

What does a dancing piece of land in the middle of nowhere?

Why is Peter Pan always flying around?

Why did the 2 contractors hire a pilot to help survey their land?

What's North America's most famous red wine?

What does a cat say when it lands on it's back?

Why do scuba divers fall off the boat backwards?

What happened when the icicle landed on the sowmman's head?

How does a Range Rover Evoque look after landing on it's roof?

What did the pig do when a beetle landed in his feed trough?

Who is the most cowardly knight in all the land?

What lands first?

What did the Mexican-American say when two houses landed on him?

What would you call Neil Armstrong had he burnt up in the atmosphere returning to earth instead of landing safely?

You might also enjoy:

Why do Native Americans hate snow?

What is a dad joke?

How Many Russians Does It Take To Invade Crimea?

Why did the aliens choose to not invade and enslave the human race?

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, dyslexic, and an agnostic?

Why do spies never use capitalization?

Whats the difference between Iron Man and iron woman?

Whats the difference between a black man and Batman?

What did the yoga teacher say to her land lord when he tried to evict her?

What does a monk say when you evict him?

What's the difference in red and purple...?

What's Black White And Red All Over?

What's the difference between a singer-songwriter and a puppy?

What's the difference between a Pilot and a jet engine?

Why did the pilot hit the Alps?

What kind of pizza do pilots like?