Uk Jokes

What's the difference between Hillary's e-mails and the UK leaving the EU?

Hillary got off Scott-free.

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What if UK's politician changes the lightbulb?

He Brexit!

What is UK's favorite song line?

And I'll tell you all about it when I EU again.

What is the capital of Greece?

More than the capital of the UK.

What did UK say while leaving?

It's not EU, it's me

Why are shopaholics in the UK generally very skinny?

Because they are always losing pounds.

How can you tell that microchips are made in the US and not the UK?

Because if they were made in the UK they would be called microcrisps.

What did Noah do with all the poop?

Threw it overboard. it formed the UK. Taken from here:

How do you know that a plane from the UK has landed?

An hour after its landed its still whining.

What makes you think you can criticise American gun laws, sitting over there in the UK?

I was asked on an internet forum. "Because you're not allowed to take them on planes," I answered.

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Capital Jokes More Capital Jokes

Why is Dublin the capital of Ireland?

Cause it keeps on Dublin and Dublin.

Why is Ireland the richest country in the world?

Because it's capital is always Dublin.

Pound Jokes More Pound Jokes

What does a pound, a dollar and rumble have in common?

For a dollar you can get a pound of rubles.

Why is the new Brexit diet so popular?

All you gotta be is a little more than halfway into it and the pounds will start falling.

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

Why did the dolphin run away from home to start a new life?

He felt he had lost his sense of porpoise.

What does Pittsburgh have in common with Peter Pan?

The Pirates always lose.

1776 Jokes More 1776 Jokes

Why is it "canceled" in America, but "cancelled" in England?

Because we gave them that L in 1776.

Why is it spelled 'cancelled' in the UK, but 'canceled' in the US?

Because the US gave the UK that L back in 1776.

Land Jokes More Land Jokes

What lands as often on its tail as it does its head?

A penny.

What does a dancing piece of land in the middle of nowhere?

Plot twisting!

Big Fan Jokes More Big Fan Jokes

Why does it always seem like models' hair is blowing in the wind?

They have big fans.

What did the wind turbine say to Justin Beiber?

Justin, I'm a big fan. wheyyyyyyyyyyyy

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What do call a potato that knows martial arts?

Jacket Chan

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?

Hell-if-I-know

Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How many scientists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, that's what interns are for.

How many moths does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two, but more can join in if there's room in the lightbulb.