Pretend Jokes

Whenever I'm in trouble, I think: what would Jesus do?

Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for three days.

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Love Card

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What do you call someone pretending to nice to people just to get upvotes?

Karma chameleon

What do you call spaghetti pretending to be rigatoni?

An impasta

What's the difference between RPGs and Drunken Style Kung Fu?

In the first, you must drink a lot of liquids before battle, but in the latter, you only pretend.

What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

Everyone pretends to be Irish on St. Paddy's Day.

Why is PBS asking me for money?

If I had money I wouldn't need to pretend crow migration habits are good entertainment.

What do you call people who pretend to be Irish on St. Patrick's Day?

Counterfitz

Why was the UKIP voter angry?

Because he didn't like the look of the Poles (for this to make sense, pretend the UK election hasn't happened yet)

When young Clark Kent was wearing a cape in the yard, who was he pretending to be?

Liberace

What if Snow White just pretended to be asleep so she didn't have to clean up after little people anymore?

Because that I totally get.

What do you call a guy who pretends he can speak French?

A francophony

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Birthday State of Mind

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What do you call someone who's pretending to be from Sicily?

Amoxicillin

What do you call people pretending to be a ball?

Roll playing im sry

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Do you want a brief explanation of what an acorn is?

In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.

How do you understand women?

I really just want to know.

Karma Chameleon Jokes More Karma Chameleon Jokes

How was the Redditor with only one karma upvote able to look like he had five karma upvotes?

He was a karma-karma-karma-karma, karma chameleon!

What do you call someone pretending to nice to people just to get upvotes?

Karma chameleon

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

What have you done wrong if the wife keep complaining when you try to watch TV in the living room?

You made the chain too long in the kitchen.

What Einstein say when someone tried to take his beer?

Nein! Mein Stein!....sorry

Finish Jokes More Finish Jokes

What is Kanye West's favorite kind of omelette?

Omelette you finish

How can you tell when Ron Jeremy is finished pumping gas?

He pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car!

Inflate Jokes More Inflate Jokes

How do you make a blonde's brain the size of a pea?

Inflate it.

What do you call a Tumblr user who identifies as a device which inflates a tire?

A pumpkin!

Upvote Jokes More Upvote Jokes

Why is reddit so liberal?

Because upvotes are to the left

What do you call someone pretending to nice to people just to get upvotes?

Karma chameleon

Saint Patrick Jokes More Saint Patrick Jokes

What did Saint Patrick say as he drove the snakes out of Ireland?

Are ye alright in the back there lads?

What is the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

On Saint Patrick's Day everybody wants to be Irish.

Credit Jokes More Credit Jokes

What kind of bee will not take credit for his contributions?

A Humblebee.

Why did the orange go to the doctor?

Because she wasn't peeling very well... All credit to my 8 yo son who suggested I post it here