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Whenever I'm in trouble, I think: what would Jesus do?

Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for three days.

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Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What's Justin Bieber's favorite make of car?

Voltz-swaggin. I thought of this myself and I am so, so sorry.

Why do you think I spend too much time at my computer?

Well dear... Every time I ask you to close the windows you answer with "Please wait while your computer shuts down"...

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What is the hottest time of day?

2:flirty

What does Andre 3000's menorah look like on the last day of Hanukkah?

ALIGHT ALIGHT ALIGHT ALIGHT ALIGHT ALIGHT ALIGHT ALIGHT ALIGHT

Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

Why did Jesus take three days to resurrect after dying on the cross?

Because the date wasn't nailed down.

What did Judas say after capturing Jesus?

Nailed it.

Disappear Jokes More Disappear Jokes

How do you make one girl disappear?

Just add a G and now she's gone.

What are your plans for Easter?

Husband: Same as Jesus.. Wife: What do you mean Husband:I will disappear on Friday and reappear on Monday!!

Trouble Jokes More Trouble Jokes

Why didn't 2x befriend x2?

He had trouble integrating

What's black and white and red, and has trouble going through a revolving door?

A nun with a javelin through her head

Pretend Jokes More Pretend Jokes

Why is PBS asking me for money?

If I had money I wouldn't need to pretend crow migration habits are good entertainment.

Why was the UKIP voter angry?

Because he didn't like the look of the Poles (for this to make sense, pretend the UK election hasn't happened yet)