Whenever I'm in trouble, I think: what would Jesus do?

Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for three days.

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Think Jokes More Think Jokes

Why are people so worried about Hurricane Matthew's wind speeds?

I thought CAT4 was capped at 16Mbps.

Which appliance in your home do you think is the most useful?

His answer: "My mom."

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What do you call that which barks during the day and floats during the night?

Your grandma's jaws

Why did Night fall?

Because Day tripped him.

Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

Why was Saint Peter so good at basketball?

He denied Jesus 3 times

What would be Jesus' favorite gun?

A nail gun

Disappear Jokes More Disappear Jokes

What do you call a disappearing President?

Hocus POTUS

What do you feed a disappearing cat?

Evaporated milk

Trouble Jokes More Trouble Jokes

Why did Simba have trouble returning to Pride Rock?

He ran into trafiki.

What did the dolphin say when he got in trouble?

I didn't do it on Porpoise!!

Pretend Jokes More Pretend Jokes

Why was the UKIP voter angry?

Because he didn't like the look of the Poles (for this to make sense, pretend the UK election hasn't happened yet)

Why's the necrophiliac's blow up doll half inflated?

So he can pretend she's decomposing.