Trouble Jokes

Whenever I'm in trouble, I think: what would Jesus do?

Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for three days.

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Why do health magazines targeting hypochondriacs have so much trouble maintaining subscriber levels?

Because none of their readers believe them when they receive a warning that it's their final issue.

Why was the Boy having trouble finding power in the Cul-de-sac?

There was no outlet

What did the boy say when he had trouble using glue?

I'm stuck.

What keyboard shortcut do the elderly have the most trouble with?

Ctrl+P

Why did the teacher have trouble controlling her pupils?

She was cross eyed.

Why does Luke Skywalker never have trouble getting laid?

Because he always uses the force.

Why did the chicken get into so much trouble?

Because of its fowl language.

What do you call a boat that gives you nothing but trouble?

A woe boat.

What's black and white and red, and has trouble going through a revolving door?

A nun with a javelin through her head

What is it a volcano has which gives him trouble erupting?

Eruptile dysfunction.

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Why did Simba have trouble returning to Pride Rock?

He ran into trafiki.

What did the man say when he couldn't get the gun to fire?

Looks like I'm gonna have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.

What did the dolphin say when he got in trouble?

I didn't do it on Porpoise!!

Why didn't 2x befriend x2?

He had trouble integrating

How do you tell a racist joke without getting in trouble?

Write it down.

Why do women have trouble peeing in the morning?

You ever tried to open a grilled cheese sandwich

What kind of horse has trouble keeping track of his Macintosh?

An Appaloosa!

Why did the zombie turtle have so much trouble dancing?

Rigor tortoise.

Why did Luke Skywalker get in trouble for using the Live Long and Prosper sign?

It's because he was accused of cultural appropriation.

Which ones?

Wife: BLTOUR & E Me: Well, that could spell trouble

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What did the seaweed say when it was in trouble?

Kelp me!

Why dont you like Taylor Swift?

Shes awesome!". Because I knew she was trouble when she walked in.

Why did the rabbit have trouble hopping?

Because he always kept one foot in his pocket for good luck!

Why do pirates have trouble walking?

Arrrr-thritis

Why do they have so much trouble with the phone systems in China?

Because there are so many Wings and so many Wongs that someone's always Winging the Wong number.

How are you doing in arithmetic?

I've learned to add up the zeros but the numbers are still giving me trouble.

Why did Avogadro have trouble picking up chicks?

Because his number couldn't fit in their phones

Why do Communist Dictators have trouble getting their work done on time?

They're way too into Stalin

What did one plant say to the other plant that was annoying him?

Please leaf me alone! Or I'll tell my mom, and you'll get in trouble.

Why does Axl Rose have trouble getting his car fixed?

Because no one wants to feel his serpentine.

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What do you give an alligator who is having trouble hearing?

A gator-aid. Bet you did see that one coming:P

Why did the pasta get in trouble?

Because he was stroganoff!

Why did the pirate have trouble with the alphabet?

Because his 'I' was all jacked up.

Why did the chiropractor have trouble waiting behind people?

Because he didn't know what alignment. I hope this one cracks you up!

Why did the packaged green onion get into trouble?

Because it was a wrapped scallion.

Why are Aluminum Phosphate ions so bad at math?

They have trouble forming solutions.

What do you call an alligator trying to start trouble?

An instagator!

Why don't urologists hand out stickers their patients?

Because they are always telling them "You're in trouble"

Why did the Saudi restaurant get in trouble?

They put the Umm Ali next to the Baba Ghanoush.

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Hypochondriac Jokes More Hypochondriac Jokes

Why is it so easy to trust a hypochondriac?

Because none of their plans are ill-conceived.

Why do health magazines targeting hypochondriacs have so much trouble maintaining subscriber levels?

Because none of their readers believe them when they receive a warning that it's their final issue.

Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

Where were you born?

Me: Missouri. I: What state are you in now? M: Apathy. I: That's not what I meant. M: I don't care.

What's the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino?

In a casino, you really mean it.

Caucasian Jokes More Caucasian Jokes

Why did the Caucasian gymnast fall off the balance beam while on television?

Because the white balance was off on the camera.

What do you get when you cross an Aboriginal with a Caucasian?

A half decent person.

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What runs all day but never gets tired?

Water.

What's the most problematic time of day?

4:04

Bad Thing Jokes More Bad Thing Jokes

What's the worst thing about a September harvest?

Finding a plane in your field.

What's the worst thing about Jonestown jokes?

The punch line.

Power Jokes More Power Jokes

Why wouldn't Kurt Cobain let you charge your phone at his house?

The guy likes his power chords too much.

What do you call a flesh light powered by your smartphone?

IFap

Disappear Jokes More Disappear Jokes

Why do objects disappear when you move them twice?

Because you remove them.

What do you call a dad balloon that disappears?

Pops

Target Jokes More Target Jokes

What did the throwing star say when I asked her if she could hit her target?

Of course, I'm shuriken.

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.