Plane Jokes

What time is it when planes start dropping engines?

Shedding season

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Why Couldn't the Ancient Egyptians Build a Plane?

Because, it wasn't very Pharoah-dynamic.

Why was the chef afraid of cooking steaks on a plane?

The steaks have never been higher

Why didn't Edward get on the plane?

Cause it was snowed-in.

Who you must not greet on a plane?

HI Jack!

Why did I throw my phone out of my window?

Because I turned on airplane mode, and thought it would turn my Iphone into a plane...

How do you change the number of sides on a Pentagon?

Intersect it with a plane.

Why can't the plane fly?

Because it's grounded.

What's the difference between North Korea amd South Korea?

North Koreans have no Seoul. Thought of this very early in the morning waiting to board a plane.

Why does the communist party hate planes?

Because they're always Stalin

How long does it take a monkey to fly a plane from LA to New York?

About 6 hours.

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What do you get if you push a piano out of a plane over a military base?

A flat major

What do two Wrights make?

A plane

Why does the Pope kiss the ground when he gets off his plane?

You would too if you had to fly Alitalia.

How did the mathematician reach the end of the Y-axis?

On a plane.

What do you get when you push a cow out of a plane?

Ground beef

When does a Pentagon not have 5 sides?

When it's intersected by a plane

What do you call a plane on a secret mission?

In disguise.

What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of planes?

Meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

How do you call a black man flying a plane?

A pilot.

What did you have on the wings of your plane?

Holes mostly...

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What happened when the communists took over the airport?

The planes kept Stalin.

Why is Peter Pan on the No-Fly list?

Whenever he boards a plane it neverlands

What do you call a pig that took a plane?

Swine flu!

Why are planes strong?

Because they can LIFT

How far can this plane go with just one engine?

All the way to the crash site!

What kind of luggage does a vulture bring on a plane?

Carrion.

What's that diving?

Is it a bird, Is it a plane... No it's the British Pound...

What do you get when you cross a snake with a plane?

A boeing constrictor

Why did Russia close all of its airports?

The planes were stalin.

How do you know that a plane from the UK has landed?

An hour after its landed its still whining.

Why planes are faster than car and buses?

Because they are almost never **tired**.

What did one plane said to the other plane?

Can I crash at your place

How did the pilot like his hotdog?

Plane.

Why were the Twin Towers upset?

They ordered pepperoni but they got plane

Why can't penguins fly?

They're too short to reach the controls of the plane.

What did the flight attendant say to get the attention of the plane full of Kim Basinger clones?

Attention Basingers

When I was on the plane the stewardess asked, do you need some headphones?

I said, Hell Yeah, but how did you know my name was Phones

Why were the people in twin towers upset?

They ordered pepperoni pizza but all they got was plane

Why were the twin towers disappointed?

They ordered pepperoni and all they got was plane.

What did the pilot say when his plane wasn't flying?

Aw man, that's a drag.

When does a Pentagon have only 4 sides?

When it is intercepted by a plane.

What does a vulture bring onto a plane?

Carrion luggage

What did the left tower say to the right tower?

I gotta catch a plane

Why was the healthy potato not allowed on the plane?

He was on the "No Fry" list.

What's wrong with the plane that flies to Holland?

It Netherlands.

Why were the people in the Twin Towers so upset about their pizza order?

They ordered pepperoni but all they got was plane.

Why didn't the Photon have any luggage on the plane?

He was Travelling Light

What makes you think you can criticise American gun laws, sitting over there in the UK?

I was asked on an internet forum. "Because you're not allowed to take them on planes," I answered.

What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?

A flightoplankton.

Why did the pilot crash the plane?

Because he was a slice of bread

Why were the people in the twin towers mad?

Because they ordered pepperoni, but all they got was plane.

Why were the people in the World Trade Center mad on 9/11?

Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and all they got was plane.

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Why do trees shed their leaves in fall?

Because they've had their chloro-fill.

What do you call a shed full of colored folk?

Antique farm equipment!

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What do you call a boat whose captain has no idea what he's doing and works for free?

The Internship

What do you call a seamstress who makes things up?

A *fabric*ator. It was a slow day at work...

Blow Jokes More Blow Jokes

What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long has a head on it and that women love so much that they often blow it?

A $20 bill

What do you hear when a sheep blows up?

Sis boom baa Carnac

Bounce Jokes More Bounce Jokes

What did the rubber ball say when he left the yo-yo's late night house party?

You better get some sleep - I'm gonna bounce!

What do you get if crossed a new born snake with a basketball?

A bouncing baby boa!

Jack Jokes More Jack Jokes

How did Jack get rich?

His bean-stock went up.

What happens when Jack is angry with his beans?

Jack and the beans talk

Destroy Jokes More Destroy Jokes

What will ISIS be called once it is destroyed?

WasWas

Why does it smell bad when you destroy fans?

Because you're breaking wind.

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened to the frog who parked illegally?

He got toad

What happened when the cannibal showed up to the buffet late?

They gave him the cold shoulder.

Cook Jokes More Cook Jokes

Why don't more people cook Armenian food?

Because it can be very thyme-consuming.

How does a metalworker like his Steak cooked?

Wel-dern