What's the best part of having a kid?

The chewy center.

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How many kids does a sterile German have?

Nein.

When are YOU going to start having kids?

Me: When are you going to stop

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What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic, and a dyslexic?

Somebody who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question whether or not theres a dog.

Why doesn't the Kentucky Fried Chicken use toilet paper?

It's finger licking good.