Why did the movie critic give the movie he received on a burned disc a 3.14/5?

Because it was pi-rated.

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Why did the hipster burn his tongue drinking tea?

Because he didn't wait for it to be cool.

What happened when the shoe factory burned down?

500 soles were lost.

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Why didn't the pirate get into the movie?

It was rated rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Why couldn't the kid get in to see the pirate movie?

It was rated PG-13, and he was only 11. Plus, he had no money, and his mother didn't want him watching movies like that.

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Why didn't the pirate get into the movie?

It was rated rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

What's my rating from 1 to 10 for Harry Potter?

Nine and three quarters.

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Why didn't the bear from the revenant win the Oscar?

Because it would've torn Leo up to receive another Oscar loss

What kind of award did the dentist receive?

A little plaque.