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Rate Jokes

What do you rate Megan Fox out of 10?

Friend: 9 Me: 9? I'll give her one..

Love

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Love

Why can't children watch pirate movies?

Because they're rated

Why is Texas the "Lone Star" state?

It was rated out of five.

Why couldn't a kid watch a pirate movie?

Because it was rated R.

What kind of movies do scurvy circles enjoy?

Rated movies.

How would you rate an average upholstery job upon completion?

Eh. Sew-sew.

What mathematical operation is used to calculate the rate at which lumberjacks cut wood?

Logger-rhythms.

What rating do pirate movies always get?

PG-13

What do you call an angry, seafaring mathematician?

Rate!!!

Why couldn't the 5 year old go to the pirate movie?

It was rated PG-13.

What's the highest rated hotel in the world?

Aushwitz, 6 million stars.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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Everyday Deserves a Joke

What kind of movies do pirates watch?

ARRRR Rated Movies!

How does R. Kelly respond when girls ask for a rating on a ten scale?

Urinate

Why couldn't Batman go to the movie?

Because it was rated "PG"

Why didn't the pirate get into the movie?

It was rated rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Why did the movie critic give the movie he received on a burned disc a 3.14/5?

Because it was pi-rated.

Why couldn't the kid get in to see the pirate movie?

It was rated PG-13, and he was only 11. Plus, he had no money, and his mother didn't want him watching movies like that.

What's the pirate movie rated?

PG-13!

What kind of movie do mathematicians most often watch?

Rated movies

Who can watch an R rated movie but not a PG?

Batman

What is the horror movie Quija rated?

Quija-13

We've Got This Love Thing Down

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We've Got This Love Thing Down

What rating did Moody's give to the sheep?

BAAA

Why is the new Zork game rated M for mature?

I guess it's too grue-some.

How would you rate USA and Saudi Arabia's relationship?

9/11

What's my rating from 1 to 10 for Harry Potter?

Nine and three quarters.

Why couldn't the kid see the pirate movie?

Because it was rated arrr!

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10 Jokes More 10 Jokes

How many ants does it take to own an apartment?

10. It requires tenants to own an apartment.

Why did Microsoft skip straight to 10?

Because Windows 7, 8, 9.

Seven Jokes More Seven Jokes

What is pink and has seven dents in it?

Snow White's virginity.

How long were you at your last job?

"Seven-and-a-half inches... same as now"

Movie Jokes More Movie Jokes

Why have a ballroom, with no Balls?

Disney's Frozen I paused the movie to tweet this...

Where does Arnie sit at the movies?

Aisle B - Back.

Wood Jokes More Wood Jokes

What's a nice guys favorite type of wood?

M'hogany

What did the necrophiliac get after his wife died?

Mourning wood.

Crime Rate Jokes More Crime Rate Jokes

How do you lower the crime rate?

Give the criminals badges.

What's the only thing that grows in Ferguson?

The crime rate.

Calculate Jokes More Calculate Jokes

How would you describe the typical Inuit mathematician?

Cold and calculating.

How do they calculate global warming?

Al-gore-ythms

Mathematician Jokes More Mathematician Jokes

What do you call a mathematician who drinks too much?

A functioning alcoholic.

Why do mathematicians have a hard time moving on in relationships?

Because they're always trying to find the x. They don't know y, either.

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

What knight of the round table never paid with cash when buying something?

Sir Charge

What's the easiest way to get off an elephant?

I don't know but you should buy it dinner first!