Gun Jokes

Where does Sean Connery keep his guns?

In the library of course. They're for shelf-defense.

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What's the difference between a gun and a feminist?

A gun has one trigger.

What's common between a crying baby and a gun?

You must not bring either to the movies.

What type of gun is used by a pig that is good with the ladies?

A smoothbore.

Which gun has a perfect rating?

A Five-seven.

How many guns do I have left?

That's right. 10.

How many NRA spokesmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

More guns!

What's the difference between a man who owns a gun and a man who owns a bank?

A man with a gun can rob a bank. A man with a bank can rob the world. (Disclaimer: reword of someone else's post to FB today.)

What type of gun do time travelers use?

A Clock-18

Why can't the cops keep calm and carry on?

Because they carry guns instead

What kind of guns do bees use?

BeeBee guns

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Which gun does Superman use?

SCAR-L

What Do You Call Giving a Dutch Guy a Gun?

Armin Van Buren.

What did the man say when he couldn't get the gun to fire?

Looks like I'm gonna have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.

How many members of the NRA does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

More guns.

How many NRA members does it take to change a light bulb?

More guns.

What kinds of guns do T-Rex's prefer?

Mainly SMALL ARMS.

When one gun says to the other, "Damn dude, those are some nice bullets, where'd you get them?

The second gun says, "In some old magazine I found."

What kind of gun does a firefighter have?

A water gun.

Why are there no hand paintings from the old west?

Because they could only draw guns.

Who wants two tickets to the gun show?

I bought the Groupon but can't make it

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What do you call Miley Cyrus with a gun?

A shooting star

What do churches and guns have in common?

They both go PEW PEW PEW

Why are black people so good at running?

Because when they here the gun go off they start runnin.

What happened to the gun that kept randomly shooting?

He got fired.

What gun do you use to hunt a moose?

A moosecut!

Who's there! Amazon! Amazon who?

Amazon of a gun!

How many NRA members does it take to change a lightbulb?

More guns.

What do you think Jesus's stance would be on guns?

I think he would be most strict on nail gun control. (Credit to Taylor on PKA)

What's the difference between a gun and a radical feminist?

A gun only has one trigger.

Why did a gun go to the barber?

Because its bangs were getting long!

What's the difference between a gun and amnesia?

Oh shoot, I forgot...

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Offend Jokes More Offend Jokes

How is an easily-offended person like a broken GPS?

They always take things the wrong way.

What is an Iraqi children on a playground doing?

He's distracting the sniper. Didn't want to offend.

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

Why did the man put a clock under his desk?

He wanted to work overtime.

A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?"

Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"

New Home Jokes More New Home Jokes

What's really important to a bat when they are looking for a new home?

Echo-location, location, location (Replace "bat" with "zubat" if you wish.)

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses?

If one bit you you could ride it to hospital!

What happened when Isaac Newton met the apple?

He found the apple was a surprisingly down-to-Earth kinda guy.

5 Year Old Nephew Jokes More 5 Year Old Nephew Jokes

Why is it a bad idea to give Elsa a balloon?

Because she'll "Let it go! Let it go!" This joke was made up by my 5 year old nephew.

What do you call a cow that can't moo?

A milk dud

Silence Jokes More Silence Jokes

What's your favourite onomatopoeic word?

Mine's "silence".

What do you tell someone who doesn't like Depeche Mode?

Enjoy the silence.

Feminist Jokes More Feminist Jokes

What is the difference between a baby and a feminist?

The baby grows up and learns to stop crying.

Whats a Feminist's favorite math subject?

Triggerednometry

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

How do you turn an old dishwasher into a snowblower?

You give her a shovel and tell her to get to work.

What do Dallas Cowboys fans do after they win the Super Bowl?

They turn off their XBOX and go to bed!