Gun Jokes

Where does Sean Connery keep his guns?

In the library of course. They're for shelf-defense.

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What's common between a crying baby and a gun?

You must not bring either to the movies.

What type of gun is used by a pig that is good with the ladies?

A smoothbore.

Which gun has a perfect rating?

A Five-seven.

What type of gun do time travelers use?

A Clock-18

Why can't the cops keep calm and carry on?

Because they carry guns instead

What kind of guns do bees use?

BeeBee guns

What Do You Call Giving a Dutch Guy a Gun?

Armin Van Buren.

What did the man say when he couldn't get the gun to fire?

Looks like I'm gonna have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.

How many members of the NRA does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

More guns.

How many NRA members does it take to change a light bulb?

More guns.

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What kinds of guns do T-Rex's prefer?

Mainly SMALL ARMS.

When one gun says to the other, "Damn dude, those are some nice bullets, where'd you get them?

The second gun says, "In some old magazine I found."

What kind of gun does a firefighter have?

A water gun.

Why are there no hand paintings from the old west?

Because they could only draw guns.

Who wants two tickets to the gun show?

I bought the Groupon but can't make it

What do you call Miley Cyrus with a gun?

A shooting star

What do churches and guns have in common?

They both go PEW PEW PEW

What happened to the gun that kept randomly shooting?

He got fired.

What gun do you use to hunt a moose?

A moosecut!

Who's there! Amazon! Amazon who?

Amazon of a gun!

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How many NRA members does it take to change a lightbulb?

More guns.

What do you think Jesus's stance would be on guns?

I think he would be most strict on nail gun control. (Credit to Taylor on PKA)

What's the difference between a gun and a radical feminist?

A gun only has one trigger.

Why did a gun go to the barber?

Because its bangs were getting long!

What's the difference between a gun and amnesia?

Oh shoot, I forgot...

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How do you frighten a Bee?

Sneak up behind it and yell BOO BEE!

What do you call a bee in a space rocket?

Bracket

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What happened to the octopus in the football game?

He had tentackles.

What happens when you die?

Me: You go to heaven. 4: No, I mean when you die, do I get your stuff

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What are feminists best at in mathematics?

TRIGGER-nometry

What's the difference between a bomb vest and a feminist?

A bomb vest does something when it's triggered.

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What do you call a psychic midget that just robbed a bank?

Small medium at large

Where does a river keep it's money?

At the bank.

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Why didn't the shy juggler perform at the circus today?

Because he didn't have the balls!

What do you call an uncertain insect today?

A May bee.

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What's the difference between LinkedIn and McDonald's?

McDonald's knows how to use salt

Why wouldn't the bald man let anyone use his comb?

He couldn't part with it.

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Why can't you tell puns to a kleptomaniac?

Because they take everything literally (p.s. you can steal this joke if you want)

What is the only thing on earth that goes "ha ha" on a Monday?

A bit late, but.... A blonde who heard a joke on Friday.

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Who robs banks and squirts ink?

Billy the Squid.

What happened to the Greek dairy farmer who got robbed on his way to market?

He was un-feta-ed of his cheese.