Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin?

It wanted to play squash.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why did the dyslexic escapologist join the International Socialists?

A. because he wanted to help untie the human race.

A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?"

Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

How do you get a cellist to play fortissimo?

Write 'pp espressivo'.

Why don't you play with your friends?

He asked. 'Because I only have one friend' the girl replied. 'And I hate her.'

Sit Jokes More Sit Jokes

What do you call a bunch of cats sitting in a circle?

The purr-rimiter.

What's Irish and sits by the pool?

Paddy O'Furniture

Pumpkin Jokes More Pumpkin Jokes

Why was Cinderella bad at basketball?

Because her coach was always a pumpkin.

What do you call a Tumblr user who identifies as a device which inflates a tire?

A pumpkin!

Vampire Jokes More Vampire Jokes

What do you get when you cross a ghoul and a vampire?

A hemogoblin. I came up with this during lecture after a dyslexic moment, thought someone may like it.

What do vampires make sandwiches out of?

Self-raising dead.

Squash Jokes More Squash Jokes

What do you get if you squash a house?

A flat.

What do you get when you squash a bungalow?

A flat!