What do vampires make sandwiches out of?

Self-raising dead.

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What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out?

A. They really raised Cain.

When do accountants laugh out loud?

When somebody asks for a raise

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How can you tell when there's an elephant in your sandwich?

When it's too heavy to lift.

How does Harry Potter like his sandwiches to be cut?

Diagon alley

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Which vampire ate the three bears' porridge?

Ghouldilocks.

What is the best way to talk to a vampire?

By long distance.