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Hole Jokes

Why do bald men cut holes in there pockets?

To run their hands through their hair

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What is the worst type of doctor you can be?

Gynecologist - because in the hole that the whole world is looking for pleasure, he's looking for problems.

What the difference between a nun in a bathtub & a nurse in the bathtub?

One has soul full of hope & one has a hole full of soap... I'll walk myself out, sorry first post here

Why do donuts have holes in the center?

Because the inventor of the donut wanted to give us a whole experience.

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke holes that it's often poked before?

A key.

What's the difference between a Nun and a lady taking a bath?

The Nun has hope in her soul and the lady taking a bath has soap in her hole.

Why would you wear two pairs of pants while golfing?

You might get a hole in one.

What's the difference between 50 Cent and the Ozone Layer?

The Ozone layer doesn't benefit from having holes in them.

Why did the golfer wear two pants?

He got a hole in one

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?

A key.

Why is morning wood full of holes?

Because the woodpecker.

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What is the difference between a girl in a church, and a girl in a bathtub?

The girl in the church has hope in her soul, and the girl In the bathtub has soap in her hole.

What smells of cheese and is filled with holes?

About 100 French people right now

How do you get out?

You look in the mirror and see what you saw. Take the saw and saw the table in half. Two half's make a whole, go through the hole.

How many amateur masochists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one; But it takes a WHOLE E.R. room to extract it afterwards. Double joke! "whole... hole." it's a play on words

Why did the Golfer feel aladeen about his socks?

He had a hole in one.

Why does a honeymoon only last 7 days?

Because 7 days makes a hole weak

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Incase he got a hole in one. HEHE one of my favs. Whats your fav joke?

What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit Hole?

A Hot Cross Bunny

Why do all the best golfers keeping buying socks?

They get a hole in one!

Why did the elephant take off his socks at the golf course?

He got a hole in one.

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Why do some loudspeakers have holes?

For the pleasure of the audiophiles.

What did Courtney Love say before shooting Kurt Cobain?

Hole is going to be huge!

What do you call a boat with a hole?

A sink.

What travels down an alley and has holes in it?

A bowling ball. Or Bruce Wayne's parents.

Why does Tiger Woods bring two pair of pants during a golf game?

Its in case he gets a hole-in-one.

Why do golfers bring an spare change of pants?

Just in case they get a hole in one. Credit to

What would Triple H and Jenna Jameson's adult film be called?

The Piledriver: No Holes Barred

What's white, digs holes in your garden and helps with headaches?

A paracetamole!

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers?

In case he got a hole in one.

What has two holes and smells a lot?

Your nose

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Why did the golfer wear a extra pair of pants?

In case he got a hole in one

Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants?

In case he got a hole in one.

Why don't they drill holes in golf clubs?

Cause then there would be a hole in one!

What do you call it when a golfer misses the hole?

Fore-play

What's black and full of holes?

Michael Brown

What's the sharpest thing in the word?

A fart. It goes right through your pants and doesn't leave a hole.

How do you stop your dog digging holes in your garden?

By hiding the shovel in the shed/garage

What do you call it when you use Icy Hot as lube?

Fire in the hole!

How many American golf fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

1001 1 to offer up the bulb and 1000 to scream 'Get in the hole'

How do soldiers tell if a woman is a genuine Red-Head?

If it's red on top, fire in the hole.

Why is a bear brown?

Because he crawls in his hole during winter.

What's the sharpest thing in the world?

A fart. It goes through your pants without even making a hole.

Why did the golfer take a spare pair of trousers with him?

Incase he got a hole in one!

Why does Luigi bring an extra pair of overalls when he golfs?

In case he gets a hole-in-one

What do you call a man in a hole?

Phil.

Why did the golfer wear 2 shirts when he went golfing?

In case he got a hole-in-one!

Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?

In case they get a hole in one!

How did the pirate fix the hole in his pants?

He used an eyepatch

What's the difference between 6 inches and 12 inches?

6 inches makes you day but 12 inches can make your hole weak.

Why did the bald guy cut a hole in his pocket?

Because he wanted to run his fingers through his hair.

Why do married men love golf so much?

Because it's not the same three holes over and over again.

Why should honeymoons only last six days?

Because seven days makes a hole weak.

What's the difference between Stanley Yelnats and the rest of the kids in Holes?

He was just a nerdy digger.

What did the donut say to the loaf of bread?

If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn't be hanging around this hole!

Why do golfers wear 2 pairs of pants?

Incase he gets a hole in one

How do you know you're golfing with a politician?

When they get a hole-in-one they write down *zero* on the scorecard.

Why do mice have a hole in their bottoms?

Because otherwise they would be unable to track movement and move the cursor in the computer screen.

Why do men like golf so much?

It makes it possible for them to go from hole to hole with an iron in their hands.

What did the three holes in the ground say?

Well, well, well My grandpa's favorite joke. Took me five years to get it.

What did you have on the wings of your plane?

Holes mostly...

Why women fail at saving money?

Have you ever seen a money-box (piggy bank) with a hole at the bottom...

What did the dentist say to the golfer?

You have a hole in one.

What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle?

A polo bear!

How many South Dakotans does it take to go ice fishing?

Four. One to cut the hole in the ice and three to push the boat through.

Why did... Why did the golfer wear an extra pair of pants?

In case he got a hole in one! Ha Ha Ha Ha

What is long and likes to pry in a hole?

A key.

Why did the golfer need to buy a new pair of socks?

Because he got a hole in one!

What do you find in an alley that has holes in it?

M-my parents " "No! A bowling ball! I'm so sorry..."

Why should you bring two pairs of pants when you golf?

In case you get a hole-in-one (stolen from some girl at school)

Why did Tiger Woods bring three socks instead of two?

In case he got a hole in one.

What has holes in it, and travels down an alley?

Batman: my parents Riddler: no its a bowling ball! I-im so sorry!

What purrs along the road and leaves holes in the lawn?

A Moles Royce.

What is the digestive system?

The digestive system is a system which starts with one hole and ends with one hole

Why does Tiger Woods bring an extra pair of socks while golfing?

In case he gets a hole in one.

What's the best part about golf?

It's the only activity where you actually aim for the hole under 18 and you don't go to jail.

Why did the golfer wear two pair of pants?

In case he got a hole in one.

What do you call a man with no arms &amp no legs......hanging on the wall?

Art...floating in the sea Bob...laying on the floor Matt...down in a hole Phil...sitting in a pot Stu...

What travels down an alley and is full of holes?

Batman's Parents.

Why can't you play peek-a-boo with Jesus?

Because he has holes in his hands

Why did the fisherman drill a hole in the ice?

For the Halibut

What is the sharpest thing in the world?

A fart. It will cut through your pants and not even leave a hole.

What is a condom with a hole?

Kinder Surprise

What's red, white and sits in a hole in a tree?

A sanitary owl

Why was the moth so unpopular?

He kept picking holes in everything!

Why should you always bring 2 pair of trousers when golfing?

In case you get a hole in one.

What's worse than finding a hole in your condom?

Finding a condom in your hole!

How do you know when the hole you're digging is big enough?

When the (w)hole job's done.

Why does a golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he gets a hole in one!

Who smashed a hole through the wall?

Everyone in the office stares at me, even the Kool-Aid man

How do you make holes in a fire?

With a fire drill.

Why did the car thief drill holes in the air conditioning units of the cars he stole?

Because he my take your ride but he will never take your freon.

Why shouldn't you carry two half dollars in your pocket?

Because two halves make a whole (hole) and you could lose your money.

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?

In case he got a hole-in-one.

Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet?

He wanted to see the floor show!

How many mm3 of dirt is there in a hole 1m x 1m x 1m?

There is no dirt in the hole!

What do you call a cow that fell in a hole?

A hole-y Cow!

Why did Silly Sue throw her guitar away?

Because it had a hole in the middle.

How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb?

Four - three to cut a hole in the roof and one to change the bulb.

Why are we watching a live internet stream of men exiting a hole?

Isn't this using the internet backwards

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Ice Hole Jokes More Ice Hole Jokes

What's the difference between GOP voters and polar bears?

Polar bears gather around the ice hole.

Distance Jokes More Distance Jokes

Why did the fish cross the ocean?

Watching the National Geographic channel always makes me wonder how animals like fish manage to travel thousands of miles,and how they know where to go. Then I realised they can measure distances so well because they have their own scales.

Whats the distance between hole one and hole two?

She answered "About an inch".

1 Jokes More 1 Jokes

How to tell if you're wearing too much Axe: 1. Are you wearing Axe?

No- Good. Yes- That's too much.

What weebles and wobbles but can't get up?

Grandpa having a seizure. Bonus: Statistically speaking, 1 in 5 adult men

Dig Jokes More Dig Jokes

What do you call a dog who digs for bones?

A Bark-aeologist

Who did the ghost invite to his party?

Anyone he could dig up.

Ice Jokes More Ice Jokes

What do magistrates have with their water?

Just ice.

What Metallica song does Captain America hate?

Trapped Under Ice.

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

What kind of engine did you put in it?

Cut to me filling my car with tomato soup* Me: Um... A fast one.

Why did the knife quit?

It couldn't CUT IT! woohoo! I made this one up while sitting at a buffet table. Enjoy! Skip

Mom Jokes More Mom Jokes

What do your mom and a camel have in common?

They both spit.

Why does Mom wear makeup?

Me: To look pretty. 5: But she's already pretty. Me: Aww. 5: Dad, you should wear makeup.

Second Jokes More Second Jokes

What did the big hairy monster do when he lost a hand?

He went to the second-hand shop.

What is a joke that only makes sense in your own regional dialect/accent?

Sorry for a post that's not a joke but I'm interested. Here's one from where I am. These two ducks are flying over Ballymena. The first one says, "quack quack" and the second one says, "slow down! I'm coming as quack as I cyan."