Pee Jokes

Why can't you hear Michelle Pfeiffer use the restroom?

Because her pee is silent.

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What does Justin Timberlake say when he goes to the bathroom?

It's Gonna be Pee

What airline allows you to pee in cruise?

Wizz Air

What do an Iraqi baby, an American president, and a homesick Brit visiting Jerusalem all want?

They all want either pees, peace or peas in the middle east.

Why do you have to pee so quickly after you start drinking beer?

Because it doesn't have to stop off to change color!

What does a scientist who has an epiphany while peeing say?

Urea!

What happens if you pee on Putin's head?

Urine big trouble...

What did the poop said to the other poop?

Poop: Please don't push. It's already tight in here! Poop to Pee: May I go first? Meanwhile, Fart pushing everyone to the sides.. Fart: Excuse me! Excuse me! I need to go!

What did the toilet say to the pee?

Urine

Why does a pterodactyl always urinate on the side of the bowl?

Because the pee is silent.

What did the poop say to the pee when he was hitting on her?

I may be a two but your an eight..

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What happens when everyone in the country takes a pee at the same time?

Urine-nation!

What did the judge say to the attractive woman soaked in pee?

You're an eight.

Why did the Teletubbies find it hard to pee?

They only have one Tinkie-Winkie

What does it sound like when a pterodactyl uses the bathroom?

Nothing, the pee is silent

What do you say if your peeing in Ireland and spot a leprechaun?

Urine luck

What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

You can mash potatoes, but you can't pee soup. (sorry sorry. Really. I've loved this joke since I was... oh.. six...)

What do you call a pirate who is lost at sea and has to drink his own pee to survive?

Aarrrrrrr Kelly!

What did Charlie Bucket say when Willie Wonka peed on him?

I've got a golden tinkle in my eye...

Why did the model pee herself?

She was all dressed up with no place to go!

What did the boy pee say to the girl pee?

Urine angel.

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Why can't you tell when a pterodactyl is going to the bathroom?

Because the pee is silent.

Why do women have trouble peeing in the morning?

You ever tried to open a grilled cheese sandwich

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl when it pees?

Because the p is silent.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the pee is silent.

What does Justin Timberlake say when he's going to the bathroom?

It's Gonna Be Pee

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl peeing?

Because P is silent.

Who cares if you pee in the shower?

The bride and all her guests, apparently.

Why's a pretty girl like you sitting all alone?

Me: I peed my pants.

Why's the couch smell like pee?

Flashback to me watching The Ring alone Me: *points at son* I think someone had another "accident."

What happened to wendy on her way to neverland?

She peed her pants (read out loud)

Why do girls make a "shhhhh" noise while peeing and men don't?

Cos men have a 6 inch silencer.

What can 5 men do that 5 women can't do?

Pee in a cup.

How are you able to stay in bed all morning without getting up to pee?

He replied......It's hard

Why didn't Pope John Paul let dogs into the Vatican?

Because they pee on poles.

Why does Euler's Number say it's "going number 2" when it pees?

Because its natural log is 1.

What did the priest announce before he went for a bath?

Speak now or forever hold your pee!

What do dads say when they see someone peeing?

European.

Why bother drinking water?

You're just gonna pee it out. This is what Big Water doesn't want you to know.

What did the doctor say to the man who couldn't pee?

Urine trouble!

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Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened to the two gladiator olives?

They were pitted against each other

What happened to the lost cattle?

Nobody's herd.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What does RoboCop use for fuel?

Petroleum

What do you call the camera used for colonoscopys?

A GoProbe.

Mum Jokes More Mum Jokes

What's pink and wrinked and hangs out my Y-fronts?

My mum.

What do I have in common with neutrinos?

We are both constantly penetrating your mum.

Ice Jokes More Ice Jokes

What happens to eskimos who sit on the ice too long?

Polaroids! I'm so bored...

What do you get when you cryogenically freeze a genetic copy of basketball legend Kareem Abdul Jabbar?

An ice Kareem clone

Airline Jokes More Airline Jokes

How long is the flight?

A Polish man calls up an airline. "How long is the flight from Chicago to Warsaw?" "One minute..." "Thank you."

Why the largest state in US has their own Airlines?

Alaska

Restroom Jokes More Restroom Jokes

Why is it so quiet when pterodactyls use the restroom?

Their P is silent.

What do you get when a superhero has to use the restroom?

A comic relief.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What do an Iraqi baby, an American president, and a homesick Brit visiting Jerusalem all want?

They all want either pees, peace or peas in the middle east.

What did the man say to the bee who wanted to learn the alphabet?

Nothing lmao bees cant learn.

Allow Jokes More Allow Jokes

How many cans of soda can a soda can can if a soda can can can cans?

No one can ever know.

Why is gambling not allowed in Africa?

Because there are too many cheetahs.