What did I do before Twitter?

Well, there's my family and......OH MY GOD WHERE'S MY FAMILY!!

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Family Jokes More Family Jokes

What's the difference between a raft guide and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family.

What do you call a family that runs a gas station?

Pump kin.

Twitter Jokes More Twitter Jokes

What do you do at a red light?

Me: "I usually respond to texts and check my Twitter."

How is Twitter like Game of Thrones?

There's 140 characters, and they are all terrible.

God Jokes More God Jokes

What did the Roman say when the Greek accused him of stealing his gods?

It was all a myth-take!

Why was Jesus not born in Australia?

Because God could not find three wise men and a virgin.